Page 69 of The Next Chapter

‘We’ll have to do costings, and projections and planning. So much planning.’

‘Sounds exciting, Lily.’

It does sound exciting. It’s also the exact opposite of what Seb told me to do, but I can worry about that tomorrow. For now, I’m high on the thought of an action plan.

This is a terrible idea. This is a brilliant idea; I’ll learn more about Lola. I’ll get to spend time with Noah. Ah, no, that’s bad. Bad brain. Stop it.

‘What are you thinking?’ Noah asks.

I’m thinking too many things at once. My mind is positively racing.

‘I’m thinking that I wish I could just not think for a little bit,’ I answer honestly.

‘You’re a writer, we all think hard.’

‘You’ve no idea. Sometimes I feel like it’s overheating. I want to detach my skull and let it air.’

And isn’t that a lovely visual that I’ve given us both – my decapitated head.

‘I get it. It’s like that for me too sometimes. Describing places can be frustrating. I see all these little details, how they all fit together to make a whole. Like the top of Blà Bheinn, it’s so beautiful up there. It can be a challenge, getting it on the page in a way that seems real. Once I start writing it helps, though.’

I’m back to wonder and awe.

‘Writing helps me too,’ I admit. ‘The details of people’s lives. I find them comforting. I used to play piano and sing a little, to help me relax, but I haven’t done that in a while.’

‘I’d like to see that. Lola has a piano here, you know.’

‘Does she?’ I ask.

He nods. ‘It’s in the corner of the breakfast room.’

‘I didn’t see it. It doesn’t matter, though; I don’t sing or play in public.’ Not since Mum died.

I don’t know how it’s happened, but Noah is closer to me than he was a few minutes ago. Maybe he too gets turned on by action plans. His hair has dried and parts of it are falling over his head now. It’s giving Brad Pitt when he was with Gwyneth Paltrow – nature was having an absolute riot the day it made Noah.

And though I hate to be that girl, I have absolutely no idea what he could possibly see in me. Maybe it’s like Seb said and he wants to unruffle me. I want to be unruffled. Or more unruffled than I already am at any rate.

He’s somehow closer still.

‘Can I kiss you again, Lily?’

I should say no. I know I should, there are so many reasons why this is a bad idea. No future, I say to myself. It’s going nowhere. Nothing. Zip.

But I’m a ball of tension, taut and brittle, ready to shatter.

And this night feels full of bad ideas.

Maybe I can just get him out of my system. Just this once. I’ve read about it in books. It always turns out exactly as they’re hoping it might.

I snap.

‘God, yes, please do.’ It comes out as the plea that it is. I’m nodding my head, so when Noah’s lips actually meet mine, it takes me a second to still.

At first, our lips are closed. It’s chaste, not enough to unravel me fully.

But then the slide of his tongue against mine is heaven and I lose myself in the push and pull of it all. I sigh into his mouth, pulling him tighter towards me.

I could cry with relief as my thoughts are crowded out by lust. I just need more.