Page 64 of The Next Chapter

‘My arm is killing me!’ I complain to Seb. He’s on speaker, my phone propped on the small kitchen worktop.

‘Risotto is never worth it. All that effort for soggy rice. I don’t know why you bother.’

‘It’s a staple meal!’ I protest, holding my stirring arm up with my other one. ‘It’s exactly the sort of thing you’d make for a business meeting but also to say thanks for stopping me drowning today.’

‘Yes, well, nothing says thank you for saving my life like rice.’

‘I’ve made a salad too.’

‘Never doubted it. Anything else to report from up there?’

‘Not really. I did see Lola with some vet, though. I think they might have a thing.’

‘I can see her with a vet,’ Seb muses. ‘What about Ashton, though?’

‘What about him? If Lola was in love with him, she’s waited long enough.’

‘True. So what’s this business meeting you and Noah are having?’

‘I told you, he wants to try to help Lola out this summer. He’s already writing the article to bring business her way and he has this idea for the fun run. He just wants to chat about some other ideas.’

‘I can’t believe you went up there with the intention of meeting your birth mum and now you’re single-handedly saving her hotel. This could not be more you coded if you tried.’

‘I’m not single-handedly saving the hotel. You’re so dramatic. I’m just helping Noah to help Lola. In secret. Because apparently Lola is too proud to ask for help.’

‘And you’re doing all of this without her knowing who you really are. It’s like a movie… what could possibly go wrong?’

‘It’s not like a movie.’

‘Playing devil’s advocate here: what happens if you just tell her who you are?’

I think while I stir. Seb’s half right. The sensible thing to do here is to tell Lola who I am. Carrying on the lie is frankly ridiculous. I can’t see Lola kicking off or being mean about it. I doubt she’d throw me out. She seems to collect waifs and strays, if anything. And while I’m neither waif nor stray, as a highly strung orphan, I’d fit the bill.

It’s just I can’t picture myself saying it. It’s like a cliff I need to jump off for my own good, but I can’t see the bottom. I don’t know what’ll happen if I jump, but it feels scary and potentially quite messy. Lola not knowing who I am is safe. I can learn about her. I can study her. I can hear all about why she did what she did, why she quit the band, in this nice safe little cocoon.

‘It gets messy and awkward,’ I reply, finally. ‘I hate messy and awkward.’

‘When you get therapy, make sure you mention the fact that you dodge confrontation.’

‘I do not appreciate the “when” not “if” in that sentence.’

‘Everyone needs therapy, there’s no shame in it. Now let me sit in my deep-seated need for vicarious pleasure… tell me about the kiss again.’

I groan loudly, already regretting telling Seb.

‘I told you already, it was great, and then I got cramp in my leg and ruined it.’

‘Sounds like you need a do-over.’

‘I do not need a do-over. There is absolutely no future for me and Noah. Continuing down this path would be insanity.’

‘You could jump him after the risotto.’

‘What? Are you listening to me? Even if there was a future with him, and there isn’t, I’ve only known him three days and we’ve kissed once. I made Colin wait a month before we did it.’

‘There is so much I could say about that. But according to you, you don’t have that sort of time with Noah. I vote for jumping him.’

‘Of course you do.’