Page 59 of The Next Chapter

I’m either going to have to get out or move some more before I seize up completely.

‘I’m all over it,’ I tell him, amping up my adventurer charade.

He’s coming towards me then. He’s a killer whale and I’m a baby seal, trapped on a small iceberg on one of those nature programmes. The baby seal never comes out on top. But did we ever consider that it’s so taken with the strength of the killer whale that it just thinks what’s the point in trying to fight this and flops willingly into the water to die?

Noah is holding out a hand then, his legs floating out behind him. He’s so like Lola, I think. In this setting, out here, he makes more sense. He’s more at ease.

‘Don’t worry, I’ve got you. I won’t let go,’ he tells me. I get the sense that my wild adventurer charade is not quite as solid as I’d like it to be.

I test out putting my hand in Noah’s and let him guide me slowly, ever so slowly, to the edge of the tarn.

‘What the fuck was that?’ I jolt, absolutely sure something brushed past my leg. I look down, flailing around, fully expecting to see an octopus, or something else with tentacles. A sea snake! I bet it’s a sea snake.

‘Just that bit of bark, don’t worry,’ Noah says. We’re almost at the edge of the tarn now, both of us treading water.

It’s so incredibly beautiful, almost like we’re at the edge of the world. At the edge of everything.

Something brushes my hip and I jolt again, only stilling when Noah puts both of his hands on my waist. ‘Is this okay?’ he asks, and fuck me, his eyes are blue.

I nod, struggling to speak. Be it out of fear, lust or hypothermia, who knows at this point? To do something with my hands, I put them on Noah’s shoulders. His skin under them is impossibly warm. And then we’re just there, treading water, looking out at the view. I’m not even worried about what’s happening in the murky depths beneath me, because I’m finding it hard to concentrate on anything that isn’t interchangeably the view or Noah’s face.

And kudos to my body for managing to summon a hot flush at these temperatures.

While he’s looking out, I study Noah’s face, doing my best to work out what he’s thinking. It’s the sort of micro analysis I normally excel at, in that I can tell if someone’s annoyed at me from a hundred paces just by the set of their mouth.

He turns his head then and the polite thing would be to take my go at appreciating the view. I can’t look away from him, though.

He doesn’t look away either. Instead, he’s studying my face like he’s about to be tested on it and when his eyes drop to my lips, I lick them.

He doesn’t move.

I really want him to move. Preferably towards my mouth.

This isn’t me. I’m not this person. But the wildness of this place is stripping me bare.

‘What’s happening here?’ I ask, my voice really quiet. Noah’s thumbs have started to move at my waist, over my clothes. Rubbing back and forth.

‘I’m no good at relationships, Lily. The long-term thing…’

I nod. Appreciating his honesty.

However, I do, do relationships. I’ve had a steady string of long-term boyfriends since college. These last nine months without a Colin have possibly been the longest I’ve ever been single.

‘It’s just that I move around so much. But… well—’

‘I understand,’ I cut him off, because there’s only so much time you can spend listening to someone explain why they don’t want to be your life partner. ‘I think… it would be tricky anyway… the distance…’

Noah nods, but he looks more troubled. He pulls his bottom lip between his teeth and grips my waist tighter even though we just said that this was a crap idea. We stay locked together like that for a few more moments. I’m thinking about what would happen if he just closed the gap between us, terrible idea be damned. Or what if I did it? How would it feel? What might happen after?

And if you’re wondering whether I always do a benefit versus cost analysis before I kiss someone, the answer is very much yes.

Here, the benefit is that I’d get to kiss Noah. He might even let me touch a muscle or two. It’s hard to think of a cost. Well, aside from the fact that there’s absolutely no future for us and we both just admitted as much.

But as he leans forward, just a touch, I think who cares about the future? Futures are overrated, surely. Because here on Skye isn’t real life, it’s an alternate reality where I know my birth mum and swim in tarns perched on the edge of the world.

Finally, finally, Noah reaches up and brushes my bottom lip where I’m biting it between my teeth.

‘Lily.’ He closes the rest of the distance. I’m moving too, heading towards his lips like they’re my very own North Star.