Page 39 of The Next Chapter

I scuttle across to the coffee, taking up his offer of a cup and then, when he nudges a jug of milk and a bag of sugar towards me, I think sod it, adding a ton of milk and way too much sugar. This weekend has already thrown all my carefully laid nutritional plans out of the window. I’ll be able to get back to my nice, ordered existence once I leave. I drink the coffee like it’s the elixir of life and then pour another cup. I’m halfway through draining it when I remember that Noah’s impression of me won’t be helped by my having to go for a nature wee up the side of a mountain.

With regret, I pour away the last half.

‘Oooh, is that more of your books!’ I notice a couple of paperbacks stacked against the other side of the kitchen countertops. There’s a picture of a snow-capped mountain on the one at the front.

Noah groans. ‘I should have hidden them. But yeah, they’re mine.’

‘Wow, that’s seriously cool. Can I have a look?’

‘If you want.’

I ignore his attempts to be self-deprecating. There’s no getting that past me, I’m the master of it.

This one is called, Discovering New Zealand.

‘How long were you in New Zealand for?’ I ask.

‘A year in the end. I got stuck there through the pandemic.’

‘Shit, no way!’

He lifts his shoulders. ‘There are worse places to be stranded.’

I think of New Zealand on a map, floating all alone in the middle of the vast ocean. Plus, aren’t there like a ton of volcanoes there? I can think of better places, I won’t lie.

My phone buzzes in my pocket. I smile at what I see, putting the book down but thinking that as soon as I’m back later, I am downloading that bad boy.

‘Good news?’ Noah asks.

I show Noah the picture from Mr Cains. It’s of Elton out for his morning walk.

‘Is it normal to walk a cat?’ Noah asks after a pause.

I heart the message. ‘He has a special lead. Elton has a problem with his thyroid that makes him prone to weight gain.’ I repeat what the vet had said to me. They’d seemed really sad about Elton and his thyroid problem. And then they’d handed over a bill for £800. ‘He hardly ever lets me walk him, though,’ I tell Noah. ‘He hates the leash. But he has to wear it because he’s a bit deaf – if he runs off, he’s a total goner.’

I can tell that Noah is thinking that with all his health problems, it is probably no bad thing that poor old Elton might not be around much longer, but at least he doesn’t say so.

I notice, unhelpfully, that I have eighteen unread WhatsApps. Always so many. Now generally, I pride myself on being a fastidious replier. Need some dates for when we can meet up? Just give me two ticks and I’ll send you ten. Want paying for the joint new baby present we’re buying, I’m all over it. Normally, I get a real thrill from being so good at friendships like that. But now, I just feel drained. Like there’s nothing left. And the ten pictures from the hen do I missed are liable to make me feel more guilty than anything else.

I vow to set aside time this afternoon for replying. I can’t let my entire life go to shit just because of one incognito mini-break to visit the woman who birthed me.

‘Are you ready?’ I ask Noah, thinking that it’s now or never.

‘I’ve been awake for two hours, I feel pretty strong,’ he says smugly, stretching his arms out over his head and revealing a few inches of tanned stomach as his T-shirt rides up.

Not today, Satan.

‘Come on then, let’s go,’ I say with far more enthusiasm than I feel. I’ve done extreme sporting challenges, I did that marathon yoga thing. I know it’s about your mindset more than anything. With the right mindset, you can do more than you ever thought you could. There is still time to turn this weekend around. Maybe Noah will tell me something about Lola that doesn’t make my heart hurt. I can do this.

* * *

There is grass everywhere.

I know what you’re thinking. It’s a mountain, of course there’s grass. Grass is a fairly innocuous part of the natural world. But see, it’s not just any grass, it’s not regular grass, it’s super long spindly grass that keeps wrapping itself around my feet and making me trip over. I read once how long grass is the preferred environment of the tick. Harbinger of Lyme’s Disease. So not only is this long grass really annoying, it’s also potentially dangerous.

Noah asked whether I was okay to take the ‘adventurous route’ up the mountain, which he described as much quicker. Quicker sounded good but it doesn’t seem to involve a path. No, we’d gone straight past the nice, winding path that weaved up the side of the mountain. Instead, we’re basically crawling up the face of it.

This is what I get for saying that I’m up for an adventure. I’m suffering karma for my lie. I should have said no. I don’t like adventure. If anything, I’m anti-adventure. I’m a play it as safe as possible-er. But then I’d remembered the kayaking and that he’d had to wait while I drank all his coffee. Plus, the fact that he’s asked me to come with him even though I’m quite clearly a liability in this environment.