Page 107 of The Next Chapter

How can what I’m living be my fate?

We finish singing the chorus and this time there’s no delayed reaction. I won’t have to pretend that there was a slow clap in my dramatic retelling of this. It’s instantaneous, people are clapping and cheering and I’m smiling and taking a pretend bow from where I’m sat at the piano.

I’m laughing along until I realize that Lola is looking at me. I feel it too, some unfathomable link between us. Between me and Lola and my mum.

Lola is speaking but she’s being so quiet that I have to lean towards her to hear.

‘I think I’d like to finish my story now,’ she says.

And even though it’s a Saturday night and I’ve been semi-pissed for half of it, I get it. The sense of urgency, that things are coming to a head. Except is it too early? I’m meant to have another week here.

I feel the panic rising in every fibre of my being. Swelling like a wave that doesn’t crest.

Lola looks straight at me. ‘I’ll see you in my office.’

And then she turns and leaves.

I make my way over to Noah, who immediately pulls me into a hug. ‘You were amazing.’

I hug him back extra tight, wondering if I could just stay here. Because I can’t help but feel that if I follow Lola into that little office, everything might change.

‘Lola wants to talk to me,’ I tell him, watching as his eyebrows crease together.

‘Now?’ he asks.

‘Yeah, she’s waiting in the office.’

‘Did she say what it was about?’

‘No.’ I shake my head, feeling guilty because even though Lola didn’t say, I know why she wants to talk to me. I just do. ‘I’ll come back to the cottage after. Wait for me?’

‘Course.’ He smiles. ‘I’ll see you there.’

There’s nothing left to do then except go to Lola and listen to the start of it all.

* * *

‘Knock, knock,’ I announce myself before pushing the door open to Lola’s office.

I find Lola on her little stool, waiting. It’s getting dark outside now, so she’s turned on her desk lamp, making the room warm and glowing.

I take my own seat, just like that first time, though now there’s so much more familiarity, it’s hard to believe that it was only five weeks ago that Seb and I arrived.

Lola hasn’t moved. She’s tracking me with her eyes, though, like she can’t take them off me. I make a show of getting my phone out, ready to hit record.

I clear my throat.

When I can’t think of anything else to do and the silence is becoming oppressive, I say, ‘So last time, you’d been practising with the band and getting close to Ashton.’ Another throat clear. ‘Did you want to just pick up where we left off?’

Lola closes her eyes and does a big breath in and out and I think for a moment that she’s going to call the whole thing off. I don’t know whether to be relieved or disappointed. But then, with her eyes still closed, she starts to talk.

* * *

Like I said before, it all took off after the first single. We weren’t maybe going to be the next big thing anymore, we were the next big thing. The single went straight to number one. Then the second one did too, three months later. Then our first album went to number one – platinum.

We’re talking about a time when there was little to no press regulation. Photographers followed us everywhere. The label worked us hard. We never knew where we were going from one day to the next. Most days it made my head spin, the pace of it.

But I loved the singing, and the music. I’ll admit to it, I liked being famous. For the first time ever, people wanted to be around me. Men wanted to kiss me. Women wanted to dress like me. Or how the label wanted me to dress at any rate. I was like a doll. Even that orange dress that became a bit of a thing, well, I’d never pick somethin’ like that for myself. It’s like I was a whole different person. A better person, or so I was told.