Page 53 of Double Exposure

Chapter Fifteen

Carter Weston

The trip back in the helicopter is for shit.

All I can think about, all I can visualize, is Jade being ripped apart by a terrified bear. I have to keep swallowing to keep the bile down.

Jade, however, is excited by the whole thing. I can see it in her face. She isn't scared. She's fearless, and I can't stand that she put herself in immediate, avoidable, danger. It's not as though she doesn't know, either. She knew damn well what she was doing.

I try to let go of stuff, but then it boomerangs back. I care about the people I love. They fall into my universe of worry and I’m left constantly balancing what’s a reasonable concern and what isn't.

That's why every woman I've ever been with has been a quaking wallflower and scared of their own shadow. Because they don't put themselves in situations like this, I don't have to worry about them. They don't take chances.

But, as Brock has pointed out during other bro-talks, they don't take chances with their hearts either. When you want things to always be safe, you don't leap—then I realize why my hands are sweating so badly.

It’s fear. Fear for her. Fear that this woman who just tumbled into my life is suddenly going to make me care. Actually, she already is making me care too much. I can hardly speak to her. I’m not angry with her. I’m angry with myself because I can't handle worrying about somebody.

It's hard. It's hard to care. And the last thing I want to be is a noose around her neck. I would never be the kind of boyfriend that tells her, “Oh, you can do this. You can’t do that.” But I almost was that guy fifteen minutes ago.

This clearly can’t go anywhere for all the reasons I outlined to Ryan and Brock. The last thing I want to be is the person that drags Jade down.

The entire ride back, she keeps looking at me for my glance, my gaze, but I just can't give it to her. I'm ashamed of how I behaved. Instead, I keep looking out the window.

Shit.

Resolute, Jade checks her phone and starts texting. “My dad just got out of surgery and it went fine,” she says after a few minutes, and slips it back in her coat pocket. “Hey, she says to Brock, “where are we going?”

To be able to scout from the air is pretty amazing.

Brock leans back so we can hear him. “Mom's pulling out all stops,” he says.

Shit.

I have to apologize.

΅

When the large cabin swims into view, I explain it’s Colton-Weston headquarters which is actually a better description. Brock points out the helipad before the back wall of trees.

“That’s where we’re headed.”

“What’s that part,” she asks, pointing to a smaller structure fifty feet from the building.

“A barn with stalls for the Ski Doos and the SnowFox,” says Jace.

The “cabin” has eight bedrooms and belongs to Devin and Luke Walker, former smoke jumpers Brock worked with, who married and now live in Maine. In the meantime, Colton-Weston rents from them. Ross and Brock plan to buy it one day. But right now, this arrangement works well.

“Hey,” Jade says taking my hand before jumping to the ground. “I didn't mean to upset you.” I put my arm around her shoulders.

“You could never upset me,” I say but my smile feels fleeting.

“This is impressive,” she says as Jace and Ryan walk us toward the cabin. Brock comes around and grins. “Oh. It gets better.”

The first thing I smell is the smokiness of steak, and the butter of mashed potatoes. Our mother is in the kitchen. I hang my parka on the coat rack and hold Jade’s equipment while she shrugs off her coat.

“Ready for early dinner?” asks Mom waving a spatula around.

Ross is in the kitchen with her, standing over the counter with a knife and cutting board. Jade laughs and I realize she’s really only seen him with a profile in the helicopter with a stern expression goggles, helmet, and sunglasses.