Page 14 of Double Exposure

Chapter Four

Jade Choi

I’m freezing. I know because I can’t feel my hands or feet. My core feels warm though. I can feel the man’s back move under his heavy coat with each step.

I try to hang on but can’t. My arms are like lead.

We stop. He shifts me up further on his back.

I try again to hang on. Another man, the younger one, keeps talking to me, patting my shoulder.

I rest my head against the neck of the man who is carrying me. He’s pulled his hood down.

Skin to skin contact.

My mother is incapable of this.

Thoughts wander.

We stop again. And again.

The other man is gone now. I can barely keep my eyes open.

There’s smoke. It makes me cough.

My body does not shiver anymore. I can’t feel my hands or feet or my face. The wind blows hard and the man carrying me has to bend his head to keep the snow out. It lands on the back of his neck.

I press my forehead there again.

There is some heat. From him.

Then we are inside someplace that smells like wood smoke, moss and tobacco. The ceiling is curved like the inside of a boat. The beams swim in and out of my vision. There’s a fire going but I can’t feel heat. All the heat is in my body, radiating outward.

I have to get out of here. I have to find my father.

I’m sitting down and the man explains they have to take off my clothes. I see his lips moving. I stare stupidly at my coat and pants and then try to push him away.

I have to find my father.

Carter. That’s the man’s name. Carter takes my hands in his and I ty to explain but then I feel sick. The room spins.

I black out.

Then there’s light. The room is still slowly spinning. I’m under a scratchy blanket and the side facing the fire is burning hot. The pillow under my head is soft like fleece, and smells like smoke and limes. It smells like the back of the man’s neck. I try to move but can’t. I’ve been tucked in like a cocoon. I stir weakly, trying to shed the blankets. It’s useless.

Voices reach my ears. Mens voices.

Then a door slams and conversation fades.

I blink and my vision sharpens. Through half-closed lids I watch Carter watching me. He leans forward and the smooth collar of his long-sleeved gray shirt widens to a gap.

There’s a swirl of chest hair and the flat plane of skin.

For some reason I think I feel the heat from his neck again.

My crotch grows wet. A moan twists from my throat.

The moan is enough to jolt me fully awake—awake enough for me to remember why I was out there on the dark side of a mountain.