Page 45 of On Fire

΅

The sun sinks lower in the sky and a hot breeze kicks up. “Well, that was a shit show that didn’t need to happen,” Bryce says into the wind. The parking lot at the station borders the harbor. In the distance the Rockland breakwater juts nearly a mile into water with the lighthouse perched at the end.

“It was necessary,” Nic says, but he looks wiped out.

Finn is distracted. “I’ve got to get back to Claire. I need to go home. He glances at the three of us. Dinner at The Inn?”

Nic closes his eyes for a moment. “I think I’ll pass,” he says. “I’m going to crash.” His gaze falls on me.

I’m stricken and can’t manage to get a single word out.

Bryce suddenly decides now is the moment to make a departure. “I can run you back, boss,” he says, and starts toward one of the two Lexus stationed in “Guest Parking.”

“You want me to drop you off?” Nic says.

“Sure,” I say perhaps a little too loudly. Before we all split up, Finn takes Nic away for a moment and speaks with him at the end of the parking lot. Nic shakes his head and then looks at his partner and gives him a hug before saying goodbye.

Back in the car, I slam the door a little too hard. “How are you doing?”

“I’m just glad Claire and the baby are okay. I just got the details from Finn. They thought the placenta was detaching, but everything’s fine. She’s fine. Baby’s doing well.”

“I mean you.”

”Hmm?” Nic says, turning his head around to back out of the parking lot. It makes me wildly happy that he doesn’t use the fancy camera to pull out. He straightens the car, and we merge onto the highway.

“I said, how are you doing?”

“Not good,” he says, staring straight ahead. His mouth is a thin line.

Suddenly I want to kiss him, hold him, make this all go away for him. To sit there and be exposed, to peel back your past life when you don’t share your present one must have been gut wrenching.

“What can I do?” I say.

He shakes his head. “Nothing.”

Any other word would have been better than that. I raise my hand to his shoulder and give in a squeeze. Cars whiz by and we are in rush hour traffic. “If I could, I’d kiss you right now.”

“I know,” he says. The bitterness in his voice slays me.