Page 11 of On Fire

“Yeah. He called me. He officially invited us to a debrief and table for tabletop training in Portland tomorrow—well today—at ten. The feds will be there.”

Jamal and Henry are speaking with two officers and Remos now. Then Henry points to me. I turn my back so I can concentrate. “Who from Colton is coming?”

“Well, me, Mateus, Finn, and you. Oh, and Keller and Carlson too.”

Keller. The fire chief. Last time I saw him, he disappeared from me on a beach.

“You want the chopper? I can bring her down and we can go back up.”

“I’m good.”

“I'll text you if the time changes. Or Carlson will.” There's a pause and then Bryce's voice is softer. “I'm really sorry, Nic.”

Instantly on alert, I say, “It sucks, right? Hate crimes are senseless.”

“Yeah, but Finn says you know the owner—he’s an old friend.”

A pulse beats in the ear the phone is pressed to. Finn has never come close to outing me, but he’s playing with fire.

“I knew the guy awhile back. Friends with his sister.” All true, but I reverse the context.

Sensing the conversation is about to wind down, I step off the curb and walk back across the street. After saying goodbye, I slip the phone back into an inside suit jacket pocket.

If Colton Security is being handed this case to work in consortium with other agencies, this will prove a nightmare. The pit in my stomach begins to ache, twisting into a spasm fueled by the one thing I hate: fear. Then the negative self-chatter begins and I have a hard time turning it off.

You won’t be able to focus. You’ll blow it. People will die, just like before. Five years ago, you didn't have your eye on the threat. Finn’s pregnant wife was killed, and you couldn't focus long enough to figure out how to nail the guy who did it. Then the monster threatened Claire—nearly kills her too. So, get your head out of your ass. Don’t sign up for this. Make an excuse. Finn will understand.

“You good to go tomorrow?” Finn’s voice breaks through.

I nod, though my brain makes one last plea: Back off this before it’s too late.

I don’t. “Can I hitch a ride with you and Claire?”

For the first time, he smiles slightly and places a hand on my shoulder. “You bet.” Jerking a thumb over his shoulder he adds, “I’m going back to the hotel. I left Claire half asleep and I’m sure she’s been up since the door closed. In fact,” he pauses as a text comes in, “This is her.” He reads for a moment and then looks up. “Jackson’s been seen and released. He’s heading over to Kingston, to Tory’s.”

Henry tears himself away from Jamal for a moment and walks over for more conversation. Henry still looks sick to his stomach. I have to be careful not to sit down next to him or tell him how worried I am. “Okay,” I say, only offering the standard script: “If you think of anything that might be useful, contact me.”

He pulls me around for a moment, and my eyes dart to who may be watching. Picking up on my need for discretion, his voice lowers to a whisper, “Do you even care about me?”

I lean slightly toward him. “Of course, I care about you. But I mean, not just as a human being but . . . ” I pause for a second and let an officer walk by and I lower my voice even more. “We are not having this discussion right now or ever.”

“What do you mean?”

“It’s been over a decade, Henry. And you know why it didn't work. We need—you need to leave it at that. This is adrenaline talking right now. You’ve been hit hard, and you’re scared.”

“And you’re not?”

I stand looking at the debris for a moment.

“We could be scared together.”

And in that moment the sudden reassurance that leaving Henry was a healthy decision reveals itself again. He likes being the victim. He likes living in fear and asking for help.

I don’t. I squeeze his shoulder and toss a nod to Jamal who is about to be corralled by Remos.

Deep in thought, I leave. On the walk home, Henry’s disappointment triggers a renewed promise to myself. I'm not risking being involved with someone. Ever. I won’t risk it and I won’t jeopardize my friends.

This is why I couldn’t answer Finn’s question just hours ago about if I will find what he has with Claire.