Page 84 of Love Again

“Well, I mean, he’s already got a place in Orono he’s moving to in two weeks.”

“So?”

“So, I don’t know if he still feels that way about me. I mean, he says he does, but he continues to make plans to move. But we’ve been talking and having sex.”

Claire makes absolutely no movement toward a positive or negative reaction. She’s like a statue, which tells me she’s trying very hard to keep me talking. We hardly ever have girl-talk, except when I told her to date Finn.

“I can’t pretend to know what he’s thinking. If he still wanted to be with me, wouldn’t he make plans to stay here?”

“You’re the one who left him, Devon.”

“I know.”

“I don’t think you do,” says Claire. “You have some work to do.”

“I think I’ve really screwed this up. If he wanted me, he would stay.”

“Did it ever occur to you that he respects you? That Luke isn’t a creeper who’s going to keep following you around when you tell him not to? He’s an adult man, Devon.” She pauses. “You know, you and I are more alike than we both realize.”

Despite myself, I start to laugh. “Really? I think you and Travis are like twins separated by skin tone and gender.”

She shakes her head. Maybe when we were younger, but now you and I are very similar. Chloe and Laurel exude a sort of neediness that men respond to. You know they’re not really needy, but men want to take care of them. You and I? We’re different.”

She stares out at the water. Stars wink into view. I don’t know what the hell she’s talking about.

“Look at Finn. Look at Mateus and Bryce. They are fully capable, well-rounded men who love Chloe and Laurel. Don’t you want that?”

I had that, I want tell to her. And then I turned my back on it. Instead, I deflect. “Bryce and Mateus are amazing. I honestly can’t imagine those two not being in our lives.”

“And what about Finn? What do you think of Finn?”

I think back to when I first saw him out by the corral. We were all peeking out Claire’s kitchen window, and the moment I saw him, I knew they were going to be together. Just like I knew Chloe was going to come back to the family, and then she set eyes on Bryce. I also knew Laurel would be with Mateus. I’m really good at putting people together. “Finn is perfect for you.”

She sweeps a fistful of hair away from her face and puts her hood up. It is starting to get really cold, and more stars coalesce into the haze of the Milky Way.

Her voice is quiet. “How would you describe me?”

This catches me off guard, but I don’t even have to think. “Strong. Capable. Independent. Clear. Loving.”

“All those words describe you too.” She pauses. “What do you really think of Finn? How would you describe him? Dig deeper.”

I swallow. I don’t know where she’s going with this. “He’s a strong man. He’s sure of who he is, and he’s certainly not needy. He adores you. He loves you completely. He would do anything for you, and I’ll always love him because he saved you.”

“So how do you think I felt when he first showed up in my life?”

I start to smile. “We could barely get you in the same room with him. I thought you were going to die when I told you I’d invited him to Thanksgiving.”

A little shiver runs down my spine when she puts her arm over my shoulders and gives them a squeeze. “See? The same.”

I’m still not following her.

“Do you want a man to love you who is strong and capable and all those things you just described? Or do you want someone that you can control? Do you want your equal? That’s what I’m asking.”

My words start to falter, and I feel like she’s cornering me into something I’m not going to like. “Yes, of course I do. In fact, someone who’s more than my equal.”

“Then let Luke be a man around you,” she says. “It’s not that hard.”

I start to shake my head again and look at her. “I don’t know what you mean, ‘let him be a man.’ I’m not going to pretend to be something I’m not. I’m not giving up any power.”