Page 5 of Love Always

“Right now.”

He unfolded himself from the floor, and trudged between the adults sitting in chairs. Everyone ignored him. No cheerful supportive comments. No, “Hey it’s okay little man.” The kid seemed on his own.

Laurel set the tray down on the low slung, glass-topped wicker table, then stood back up and tucked a strand of wavy hair behind her ear and smiled. “I’m Laurel. You must be the new guy.”

Somewhere in the mash-up of sisters and strong loyalties, I’m sure someone witnessed our brutal nanosecond of truth the moment we saw each other.

Unfinished business continues to be all I’m good for.

Chapter Two

Laurel

I saw him from the corner of my eye. Not all of him. Pieces. His hair, a smile, his skin, those shoulders. It’s like my body knew he was sitting on the back porch before my brain did. Lightning struck my heart and for a split second I couldn’t breathe. It was him. The guy from yesterday. My eyes followed the direction my heart led and there he was. Mateus Gutiérrez, sitting in a wicker chair, laughing with Claire, Finn, Devon, Chloe and Bryce, with my Cory playing at his feet. One leg was up casually on the wicker ottoman. The other, equally casual, stayed planted on the wood deck. I could see his quads and knees stretching the black denim.

I nearly dropped the tray of bread and baked brie Chole had thrown in the oven and I retrieved.

“Cory. Go get that piece,” came from my lips, the automation of motherhood kicking in.

Mateus had found me out by the pier the day before at my lowest point this year. I’d weathered it all: Claire’s attack and near drowning in early summer, my sister, Chloe’s, return and abduction, and the two new men in our lives: Finn and Bryce respectively. Really in our lives. Like always around. All. The. Time. I was feeling like I just got my family back together and now I had to share.

Not that I don’t want my sisters to be happy. They deserve it. It’s just that I miss being just with them. Emphasis on the “just.” I missed Chloe all those years and Claire had to be the grownup after Mom and Dad died. Devon came back last fall after six years out in Colorado. Travis, my sweet brother, the youngest, my bedrock—he was the one to leave this time and head off to veterinary school at Tufts.

When I decided to go back to school I wanted it to be a secret, but Devon and I room together above Weaver’s and she found out pretty fast I’d signed up at the Community College in South Portland to test out of my GED and then to take classes. About the same time, I went back to running.

Good thing too. What had started out being a great idea suddenly shifted on the second day of class into a bad idea and then it grew even worse. The reality is, I don’t know if I’ll even finish this semester. I needed to pound out my stress on the trails.

School is a hot mess.

That’s why I was crying on the pier. Laurel Russo, once again, a failure. By the time Mateus found me, all my old terrible coping mechanisms had kicked in. I fell into craving the feeling that I mattered to someone, and was reduced to a sixteen-year-old girl trapped by the fake promises of risky sexual behavior.

By the time I made it to the bedroom at the hotel, Devon had texted me about Cory and a bout of head banging, and I had realized my mistake. This was a bad idea.

What was so surprising, so mysterious, was that this stranger felt my shift from ardent promiscuity to surging trepidation. His first “Stop,” felt like a call to action. I had to make it all stop.

The second “Stop,” made me realize we were not going to fuck. Because that was what I was prepared to do: fuck. I was so angry at myself, at who I was and who I would continue to be. I wanted out of my skin, out of myself for a few moments. At least that’s what I’d told myself. By the third “Stop,” I felt ridiculous and humiliated.

He caught me in the kitchen a few minutes after I brought Cory inside to go to the bathroom. Embarrassment can trigger urination, and I wanted to be sure we avoided that scene. Even if Cory couldn’t articulate he was embarrassed, his bladder might figure it out.

Cory was just bouncing through the kitchen again on his way to the porch when Mateus held the door for him and stepped inside. I took a step back and he just kept coming until we were back by the fridge. His voice was low.

“So, what do you want me to do?” was all he said.

“Forget we met yesterday. I’m most comfortable with that.” I stood, nodding, hand on hips, head tilted up so he knew I meant it. I still only measured up to his chin.

He nodded and waved the air with a hand like wiping a slate clean and cocked an eyebrow.

I nodded again. “Yup. Just like that. We never met.”

He nodded slowly and ran a hand through his hair. It was so black and shiny, matching the darkness of his eyes. “Got it.” He took in a deep breath. “Okay.” His head snapped up and he grinned at me. “Nice to get to know you.” He stuck out a hand and we shook.

That worked, the We-Never-Met plan held for a week. Mateus was working, guarding this rich self-help guru and trying to find an apartment in downtown Portland. I drove down two days a week, and my classes were in the afternoon. The distance from campus to the new office was about five minutes, tops, and just knowing he was there, and I could run into him, made my blood hot.

When word came that horrible morning we found Chloe had been taken, I didn’t think the day could get worse. Just this sick vacuum churning in my stomach made the day robotic. When they found her, I was nearly weak from relief and Devon and I took a long walk down to the lighthouse and back with Cory, trying hard to maintain a sense of calm while inside we were both so relieved. Even through this though, Devon remained steady, practical and I was so grateful to her. Claire had left early with Finn and Bryce that morning to find Chloe. They met up with Mateus, Jackson and Nic in Portland. After her rescue, were supposed to bring her back.

Mid-morning the landline phone had rung in the downstairs office, and Devon’s face went white. It takes a lot to unnerve her.

I’ll never forget what she said: “Claire and Chloe are caught in an alley and Mateus was shot. They don’t know if he’s alive.” My stomach lurched and bile came up in my mouth.