Page 18 of Love Always

“Eureka,” he says. “That was much easier with two people,” and then a shadow passes over his face. It clears when he stands up. As he adjusts his belt and slides it into place, he glances at me again and says, “I’m going to drive you to your car. I’m going to sit there until you’re in the car, and then I’m going to follow you back up the freeway.”

“Freeway?”

“Okay, okay, that’s what we call them in California.”

“Here it’s highway or turnpike or toll road. Interstate 95 is a toll road in places, and no, you’re not driving all the way back up to The Inn.”

“I need ten minutes to pack. I just want to be sure you’re safe.”

He walks without any limp at all down the hallway. The slap of the evil liner hitting the sink is followed by the soft, muffled sounds of packing. I text Devon again, telling her once more I’m okay and that I’ll be home in forty minutes and to just tuck Cory into bed for me. I hate that I’m not going to see him for our bedtime story. We have a whole routine and often when it’s disrupted, a bad day usually follows. Then I text Claire about the Peeper Party. But it’s not an excuse not to go. It’s assurance that I would go, though now … my diabolical plan doesn’t seem necessary.

Laurel: Hey, I invited a friend from school, Colleen, to come. She’s nice. She’s from my English Comp course. k?

Claire: That’s fine. Pleeez force Devon to make her salsa or avocado crab dip or both? I will spring for the ingred. You guys will have to make pounds of both. #iamapig #peeperpartyisat37peeps

Laurel: np. Thanks! Colleen’s great!

By the time I’m done, Mateus is standing in the hallway with a black duffel bag at his side. “Shall we?” He waves at his front door.

I grab my backpack.

The intimacy I felt with him in the apartment has evaporated. When he revealed his leg to me, when he let me see him vulnerable, hurting, dealing with a piece of his life that would never change, I felt close to him. Now, though, in the car, things just seem suddenly awkward. A Cuban band plays softly on the radio. I can’t get out of my head what I’ve just seen, and it’s left me mute and unattainable and I hate myself for it. I want to be cool, want to be okay with it, want to let him know I’m okay, and need to let him know I don’t pity him … but I do. These are all real feelings.

“Well,” he says, breaking the silence. “We have about fifteen minutes. Do you want to know what happened?”

“Of course I do,” I say. “But only if you can talk about it.”

“I don’t have any issues around this,” he says and gestures with one arm down his leg. He puts on a blinker and makes a left. “It was a training accident, about three years ago.”

“And Bryce was there?”

“Yes, Bryce was there.”

“Chloe said you guys were so weird when you first started working for Finn. Is that why?”

This time his smile is wide and generous and genuine, and I can’t believe how it makes my heart flutter. “Bryce is weird himself. He just keeps blaming himself for what happened but it wasn’t his fault. It was just an accident. He actually saved my life.”

He turns the radio off and sighs. The car rolls to a stop at a red light, while his fingers drum the steering wheel. “We were both medics, training underwater at a hundred feet below, and were supposed to bring somebody up through detonation charges. The charge didn’t go off when it was supposed to. It was delayed and I got caught in it. Bryce felt the blast from below, turned around, found me, got a tourniquet on my leg, and took me to the surface as fast as he could, sharing his tank all the way up. When I woke up a week later I was a different person.”

I had nothing to say. I wanted to tell him you’re not a different person you’re still the person you were but what did I know? Something like this would change a person profoundly or maybe it wouldn’t. For some reason, this hot, hard lump in my throat, which started back at the apartment, was making it really hard to swallow right now.

“Anyway, you can imagine the rest.” He grips the wheel. “Months in rehab. You know, I had to work hard but there were a lot of guys in there far worse shape than I was. You get a real dose of humility and see just how good you have it when you’re around people worse off than you. And that’s really what kept me going.”

But then Bryce disappeared. What happened to Bryce? I wanted to ask. Did he just abandon him? Does Chloe know about this? These guys came into our lives so fast. I know Bryce saved her, nearly died for her, but still. It’s all lovey-dovey at the beginning and then the magic wears off.

I know. I’ve been there once. What if he breaks her heart?

“What happened between you and Bryce?” I see him flinch. Maybe I shouldn’t have asked.

“You have to understand. I was really injured. I weighed like one-forty and was as weak as a kitten. Bryce stood by me, took me to appointments, made me eat, got me training even. Then there was an incident and after that incident, Bryce was discharged. That’s when he disappeared.” Mateus squares his shoulders. “I think that’s all behind us now.” He flashes one of those grins. “I hope so at least. It’s been a lot easier to be around him, stubborn cuss, that’s for sure.” Clearly he doesn’t want to talk about “the incident.”

“Is that how you ended up at Colton Security?”

“Little bit of a stalker, I admit it. There was a job offer. I interviewed. But I did my homework and I knew he worked in Boston and for this company. I don’t have any family and Bryce is the closest thing I have to a brother. He just needed to get over himself.”

The parking lot is nearly empty, and Chloe’s old VW Squareback sits all by itself, the pale blue paint just a lonely smudge under stark parking lot lights.

“I can’t believe that thing still runs.” Mateus is impressed.