Page 71 of The Best Ex of My Life

‘No. I’m not sure I’m looking for anyone.’

‘Mum’s done with all that,’ I tell them, trying to help her out of more badgering from my friends.

She turns sharply to me, not at all grateful for the get out. ‘That’s not true. I’m not done with love at all. If the right person came along, I’d jump straight in. But I love my life without someone else being in it, and I’m not going to be rushing into anything unless someone incredible comes along who makes me want to alter the life I’ve built.’

‘Wow. Good for you, Stella,’ Teddy says, in awe. ‘That’s exactly what I’m going to say from now on. I’m going to love my life first and see anything else as a bonus.’

‘You should,’ Mum says. ‘Life’s too short to wait around for another person to make it special. And life is definitely too short to keep on going with the wrong person. Trust me as someone who knows.’

Mum gives me a guilty look for talking about Dad that way, and I stare back at her in disbelief. I’d always thought she’d given up on men, but I was wrong. She’s given up on the wrong men, men that don’t bring her anything.

‘I can’t believe my luck in finding Matthew,’ Karina says. ‘I just wish you’d found someone too, Lizzie. It doesn’t seem fair that I got all the luck and you didn’t.’

I take a deep breath. ‘Actually, I think I have found someone. I think I found him a while ago, and I’ve been too scared to do anything about it.’

I tell them everything that’s happened since meeting Elliot, going back to how amazing the first night we had together really was, all the way to the horrible finality of everything after waking up at his. I tell them truthfully how I feel about him, how I’ve found so many reasons not to be with him but have never managed to get him out of my mind, and how I don’t know how to begin to move on from him. I keep looking at Teddy as I speak, but every time I do she nods at me, urging me to go on.

‘You love him, then,’ Mum tells me. Not a question, because the last ten minutes of me spewing out my heartache have told her everything she needs to know.

I look at Teddy again before I answer, and she gives me a small smile of encouragement. ‘Yeah, I think I might do.’

‘Oh my God,’ Karina squeals.

‘Then I don’t understand,’ Mum adds, and her voice is far from high-pitched and excited. Her brows knit together as she weighs everything up. ‘If you know how you feel, and he’s told you how he feels, why don’t you tell him the truth?’

‘Because it might not work, and if it doesn’t and we end up not being able to be friends and we’re working together, that would be awful. Look at you and Dad. You were just like us, and now you can’t stand the sight of each other. You’ve hurt each other so much. I’d never want to hurt Elliot, but I could do. There’s every chance I will in some way or other. And I don’t want to get hurt by him.’

Mum reaches for my hand. ‘Oh sweetheart, that’s no reason at all. Yes, it might not work out, but you’ll never know that unless you give it a go. Love isn’t about certainty. It’s a leap of faith you take with someone. You’re not meant to know how it ends. You’re meant to trust that it’s a leap worth taking. That’s all.’

‘But eventually everyone gets to the end. And when you do, like you and Dad have, when all that’s behind you is a ruined friendship and hate where there was once love, surely you can’t believe that it was worth it. I don’t want to make that mistake with Elliot. I don’t want the regrets you and Dad must have.’

‘Is that what you think? That we regret what happened?’

‘Well, yeah.’

‘In that case, listen to me.’ She squeezes my hand harder, imploring me to listen. ‘I don’t regret a single thing about falling in love with your father and turning our friendship into something else. When we chose to end our marriage, it was the right time for us to separate. I was happy to move on. Starting our love story gave us the biggest adventure of our lives. It gave us you. There’s not a second of it I regret. And I know your dad feels exactly the same.’

‘Really?’ I’ve always thought of Mum and Dad as a mistake that should never have happened. When Dad moved on so soon after the divorce and re-married, I chose Mum, chose to spend my time with her because I thought she was the one more hurt than he was by that mistake. I let my relationship with Dad drift out of pity for Mum, out of a feeling he was more to blame for what happened, but what she’s saying doesn’t tally at all with the view I’ve had of things.

‘Yes, really. Sometimes love works out, sometimes it doesn’t. But it’s always worth trying.’

‘But—’

‘But nothing,’ she says in her firm Mum voice that comes with a silent ‘young lady’ her favourite name for me when I was a teenager and in need of a telling off. ‘The only question is, are you brave enough to give it a try?’

Chapter 30

‘Hey, it’s me. Is now a good time?’ I ask Teddy a week later.

‘Not really, but I suppose I can stop for a few minutes. For you.’

‘Thanks. How’s the app coming along?’

‘Good,’ Teddy says. ‘It’s still so early, dozens of issues are coming up every day I hadn’t ever considered, but on the whole, it’s getting there, and I’m having so much fun with it. I’ve barely missed sleeping or meals that aren’t ordered from Just Eat. Karina’s client emailed me to set up an initial meeting next week to talk designs, and they seem incredible.’

‘That’s great,’ I tell her before pushing myself to get to the reason for the call. ‘I was wondering if you could help me with a thing which I’m hoping will end up helping you back a lot if it works out.’

‘You have my attention. Go on.’