Page 53 of The Best Ex of My Life

‘A little. Not really. We’re not quite at the falling-apart-in-front-of-each-other stage yet. What?’

‘Nothing,’ I say, smiling to try to take the surprise off my face. He’s pretty much just said the same thing Teddy did about talking to him. It makes me wonder if I’ve presumed Teddy and Elliot are closer than they are, if I’ve told myself they’re madly in love and each other’s soulmate when, in fact, they’re not at that point yet. But whatever point they are at, it’s clear how much Teddy cares about him, and as his friend, it’s my job to tell him that. ‘You should know that it wasn’t me today who thought to check in on you. It was Teddy. She texted me because she was worried about you. She asked me to find you. You might not feel ready to show her everything, but you should know how much she cares about you, and I’m sure she would be absolutely fine – great, even – if you did decide to fall apart a little bit in front of her.’

He smiles. ‘You’re right. I’ll call her later.’

‘Good. So what happens tomorrow then?’

‘I’ll keep going,’ he says, a determined edge to his voice. ‘I want to do a good job. I want to be in this role, and I want to become a deputy and then maybe even a headteacher one day. I could be bloody good at that, Lizzie,’ he says, and it’s not from a place of arrogance but understanding who he is and what a tremendous difference he could make. ‘I figure it’s always going to be tough at the start, and I’m willing for it to be tough right now.’

‘You sure?’

‘Yeah, I am.’

‘OK, then. Keep going, but not like today, you hear me? Today is not to be repeated. Assistant headteachers need to eat, and they need to sleep, and they need to come out of their offices to comb their hair in front of a mirror once in a while. You may be an assistant head now, but you’re still Elliot too.’

‘Deal.’

‘Good, and there’s more. From tomorrow onwards, we’re going to be seeing a lot more of each other. I’m going to start bringing you lunch, and you’re going to stop every day for at least fifteen minutes to eat it. And you’re also going to talk to Mr Montgomery about getting more support from him. Do you agree to my terms?’

Elliot pulls an agonised face, but he looks the most untroubled he’s been all day.

‘Fine. I agree.’

Chapter 21

‘Did you read it?’

‘No, obviously not. It was in the girls’ toilets.’

‘Oh, yeah, but you do know what it says, don’t you? Mr Nightly loves blowjobs from Miss Duffington,’ I say in a whisper.

‘Lizzie, the whole school knows what it says by now. I’ve had Carl and Marie both in here furious, demanding it be removed immediately.’

‘Really? Doth they protest too much, do we think?’

‘No. I can’t see it, can you?’

‘I don’t know. Marie’s had that bad knee, so the idea of her dropping down in the history supply cupboard doesn’t quite ring true, but there are other ways to do it, I suppose.’

‘Thanks for that,’ Elliot says, letting the falafel on his fork drop back down on to his salad. A pink flush spreads across his face, and I pretend not to notice it.

For a second, I let myself imagine what would have happened if Elliot and I carried on after the one-night-stand, if we tried to start something while working here together and any of the students had got wind of it. I’d have quit on the spot if anyone put our names together like poor Marie and Carl.

‘Have you any idea who wrote it?’ I ask.

‘None, and it’s going to be very hard to find our graffiti-er unless someone grasses them up, so be on high alert for a pupil coming into class with red marker pen on their fingers this afternoon.’

‘On it.’

There’s a knock on Elliot’s office door, and Pam, one of the other assistant headteachers with the office next to his, comes in.

‘Here they are, the Tupperware twins,’ she says when she sees us sitting on opposite sides of Elliot’s desk, both balancing the Tupperware boxes with salad I brought in for lunch on our knees.

‘Oh God, that’s not a new nickname, is it?’ Elliot asks.

‘Just mine,’ Pam says, smiling fondly at him. ‘It’s lovely that the two of you do this. Still on for later?’

‘Sure. Four OK?’