Page 42 of The Best Ex of My Life

‘Are you, though?’

She looks me right in the eye as she always does when she wants to make sure she’s getting a truthful answer out of me. I try not to, but I can’t help looking away. It’s like she wants me to convince her that Jordan is the one, that I’ve got this exactly right. But the truth is, I can’t say that yet. I settle for, ‘I think so.’

She considers my answer. ‘I think so,’ she repeats. ‘See, that’s definitely not the Lizzie I know. Ever since you were little, you’ve always been waiting for something amazing to come along. Your whole childhood you were on count down for the next big thing – Christmas or a birthday or a holiday or the first day of high school. Whenever those days came, you threw yourself into them. You made sure they were amazing because that’s what you needed them to be. You’d always find a way to make them special. You’re a romantic, Lizzie. Not just with love but with everything. You do a job you adore, that you’re passionate about. You love your friends fiercely. You believe in soulmates. You’ve spent so long looking for that special someone who will become the love of your life, so to hear you say I think so about the person you’ve chosen to be with …? It makes me worried.’

I glance at the shut door, imagine Jordan sitting on the other side, sitting on Mum’s leather sofa watching TV and waiting for me to get back to him. I smile and turn back to Mum.

‘You don’t need to be worried. I’m with someone who treats me well, who is kind and loving. You should be delighted.’

‘I’d like to be, but I’ve watched you today. It’s why I asked you both over. I can tell he’s all the things you say he is, but it doesn’t mean he’s right for you. There’s a lot going on right now with your friends, and I can imagine how surprised you’ve been with how that ex-boyfriend plan of yours turned out. It would be natural for you to feel a bit at sea, to want to cling to someone. I just don’t want you to cling on to the wrong person.’

Suddenly, I’ve had enough. Enough of trying to prove to her that I’m capable of making a good decision over my love life, enough of trying to convince myself. I’ve been waiting for tonight for weeks, and I know if we go any further in this conversation, I won’t be able to leave it behind. I’ll end up dragging it round all night, replaying it instead of having the incredible time I’m planning on having.

‘Stop,’ I tell her. ‘Please. Listen to me when I say you don’t need to worry about any of this. I know what I’m doing. And anyway,’ I say, starting to smile, ‘I’ve got more important things to think about, starting with how the hell I’m going to squeeze into the dress I was planning on wearing after eating three kilos of curry and rice.’

She scrutinises me for a few seconds before her face softens. Mum knows me well enough to know that it’s time to move on from this conversation. She lets out a long breath. ‘You’re right. I’ve said what I needed to. You’re a grown woman, and I know you’ll do what’s right. Which includes getting a move on otherwise you’ll be late for the event of the year.’

She’s not wrong. I’ve been excited for tonight for weeks. Nervous too, about who will be there and how it will go after months of living in my bubble. Now it’s finally here, and I’m going into it off the back of Mum telling me I’ve got my love life wrong.

‘Speaking of which, we should go. You sure you’re not coming? She’d love to have you there.’

Mum’s face lights up at the thought of Karina inviting her tonight. ‘No, tonight’s for you young ones, but give her all my love and have an amazing time.’

By the time Mum has gone to her purse and put twenty pounds in my hand to buy me, Karina and Teddy a drink and has asked me repeatedly to send her pictures of us all dressed up, she’s put herself in a much better mood. She manages to return the sheepish hug Jordan gives her as we’re leaving and sounds almost genuine when she tells him she’s looking forward to seeing him again soon. But going by the deep crease between her eyes as she watches us leave, that doesn’t mean she’s laid aside any of the misgivings she has about us.

Chapter 17

‘Can I have everyone’s attention, please?’

Nothing.

‘I’d like to say a few words, if I may.’

Still nothing.

‘Right, you lot, shut it, so I can speak!’

The small room above the pub they’ve hired for the night falls silent, apart from laughter when everyone turns to see Karina standing next to the bar pretending to scowl at her gobby friends and family but also absolutely beaming with joy.

‘Finally,’ she says when everyone is ready, and Matthew has reached her side. ‘I’d just like to thank you all for coming tonight to help us celebrate. It means the world to us both to have received so much love and support from you. Matthew knows how terrified I was of telling everyone our news, especially my family.’

‘Not as terrified as I was,’ Matthew interjects, to more laughter.

‘Getting engaged was the easiest decision I’ve ever made in my life. We both know it’s happened quickly, and we worried some people would think we were rushing and would try to talk us out of it, but that’s not happened once. We’ve had nothing but excitement and support, and it’s made this already incredible part of our lives even more special.

‘Most of you will know this already, but Matthew and I met thanks to my friend, Lizzie, who came up with the idea for us and our friend Teddy to set each other up with our best ex-boyfriends. I thought I might get a few nice dates out of it, but never did I imagine that Teddy choosing to set me up with Matthew would lead to me finding the love of my life. Lizzie and Teddy, I am forever grateful to you both – for this and a million other things. To Lizzie and Teddy.’

Sixty people raise their glasses and toast us. Luckily, before Karina started her speech I was just coming back from the toilet and have remained at the back of the crowd, so only a few people around me notice me, and most of the attention goes on Teddy who is at the front with her glass held high in the air.

‘And to you, Matthew,’ she says, turning to him with glistening eyes. ‘Before I met you, falling in love was a life goal, an ambition I hadn’t achieved. I always hoped it would be something I’d find in my future, but I was never sure. Like most ambitions, I thought it would be something I’d have to work for, something that would grow slowly. I thought you had to plan for love and invest time and effort into achieving it, and maybe that’s still true – I’m sure times will come we’ll need to work at our marriage – but my God, meeting you has shown me how easy love can be, how effortless, how much fun. I used to worry about finding someone I’d want to settle down with. I used to make lists in my head of all the things I did and didn’t want my future husband to have. Big things like caring about family, but also little things like not having hairy toes. Teddy and Lizzie will tell you how long, how detailed these lists got.’

She pauses, and we both nod seriously. Teddy makes a show of pulling her hands wide apart, which makes the guests laugh.

‘But as soon as I met you, I got rid of that list completely. You have been the biggest and best surprise of my life, and I am so, so lucky to have met you. I love you.’

‘I love you too,’ Matthew says, and they hug each other to the applause of the room, although I’m sure to them it’s as though there’s no one else here. Matthew pulls away, and before he’s fully facing the crowd, he quickly wipes a finger under his eyes. It’s enough to set me off. Again. ‘To my amazing, beautiful fiancée, Karina.’

‘To Karina,’ I, and the rest of the room shout in unison.