Page 38 of The Best Ex of My Life

‘Nope, but I’m guessing the clue’s in the name,’ he says, his voice a bit slurry, making his words merge together. I giggle and lean into him, very much appreciating how he’s got into the swing of things tonight.

‘Exactly. You have to tell us three statements, two of which are true, one of which is a lie. All we have to do is work out the lie.’

‘Let me think.’ Jordan makes a show of doing that chin stroking thing that has never in the history of humanity made anyone think better or quicker. ‘OK. I once fell off a bridge while drunk and shattered my ankle. I once shared a flat with Robert Pattinson’s little brother. I once ran two marathons in a week.’

‘Oh Jordan, sweet innocent Jordan. You’ve made that far too easy,’ Teddy says. ‘Robert Pattinson doesn’t have a little brother. He only has sisters.’

‘Oh, you chose the wrong fake flat-mate’s famous brother there,’ Karina says, laughing. ‘Teddy’s been in love with Robert since his Twilight days. She knows scary levels of details about him.’

‘Damn it,’ Jordan says, but he’s smiling.

‘Two marathons in a week, though? You’re crazy.’ Teddy shakes her head.

When Jordan leans back, he puts his arm around me, and I’m sure he’s about to volunteer me next. Instead, he says, ‘Your turn, Teddy.’

‘Bring it on, but nice as your facts were Jordan, I reckon we turn the heat up on this game a little bit. How about two truths, one lie: the spicy edition. A true ice breaker, or melter if you will?’

‘How about no,’ I say.

‘Come on. I’ll go first. Ease us in gently.’

‘Lovely image,’ Elliot says. He smiles indulgently at her, when I’d have thought he might stand by me with a solid eye roll and an attempt to talk her down. Maybe it’s all the wine I’ve had plus the sherry, but that smile annoys me. Is Elliot so infatuated that he needs to agree with every single thing she says, even when she comes up with a terrible idea like this one? This is Teddy in her element though – provocative, loud, risqué. Rather than pull away from her like I’d have imagined, he’s leaning towards her, encouraging her.

‘I know,’ she says, giving Elliot a kiss on his lips that lingers way longer than it should when they’re surrounded by people. ‘Here goes. I once walked in on a couple having sex while I was taking another couple round a flat on a viewing. I once had sex with someone I took on a viewing. I once did a viewing where the owners had inexplicably left a porn video running on the sixty-inch TV in the lounge.’

‘Hmm. Right, OK then,’ Matthew says, leaning forward, and Karina bursts out laughing.

‘What?’

‘No, it’s just cute,’ Karina explains. ‘The way you’re dealing with Teddy’s sex facts like you’re working out how to build a wall or something. Very practical.’

‘I don’t just build walls, you know,’ Matthew points out. ‘But I am practical, and what I remember of Teddy from when we were dating makes me think that the lie is that she walked in on someone having sex. Her voice is so loud there’s no way she wouldn’t have given the couple plenty of time to get off each other by the time she went into the bedroom.’

‘So that means you think I had a promiscuous viewing?’ Teddy asks with a mock-horrified expression. I turn to Matthew, and am relieved for Karina’s sake that he’s smiling, that they’ve reached the taking-the-piss-out-of-each-other stage of being exes that means they’ll all be able to get on.

‘Yep. Sorry. Am I right?’

Teddy waits a beat. Then another. God, she’s dragging this out. ‘Fine, you got me. And for the record, my voice is not that loud.’

We all laugh at that, and I wait for the conversation to move onto the next person, hoping it’s not me again. Karina and I share a look, and I can tell she’ll be thinking the same. Neither of us are as out there as Teddy, and Karina probably fancies sharing facts about her sex live with this particular group as little as I do. Luckily, we’re at that level of pissed where we don’t have the capacity to stick to anything and the game fizzles out. Jordan goes for a wee, Karina’s head drops on Matthew’s knee and her eyes start to close. Teddy curls herself around Elliot and strokes his chest while covering his neck in kisses. When she breaks off to ask if she’s really that loud, he assures her she’s the perfect amount of loud, and satisfied, she goes back to kissing his neck. I take a look at my phone for the first time in hours, so I’ve got something to focus on other than the two of them, and am amazed it’s somehow got to midnight.

‘I can’t wait to get back to yours,’ Teddy loudly whispers into Elliot’s ear, not realising she’s had so much booze she’s lost the ability to control her volume.

Elliot glances at Matthew, who is too busy gazing adoringly down at the top of Karina’s head to notice and then at me, who has absolutely noticed, but is pretending not to.

‘Don’t think I’ve forgotten I owe you from this afternoon,’ Teddy continues to talk-whisper. ‘The first thing I’m going to do is take these lips and—’

‘O-K,’ I say, jumping up. ‘I think I’m going to get some fresh air. That wine has all gone to my head.’

Maybe it’s seeing them together like this for the first time, maybe it’s Elliot in that T-shirt, or maybe it’s the alcohol taking effect, but the lounge has become stifling, way too hot to stay in for even a second longer.

Without looking at either of them, I get up and bolt out of the room.

It’s cold out. A fierce, biting, slippery December cold that is far too harsh to be out in without a coat, but I’m glad of the air filling my lungs with each deep breath I take. Mr Galanis has left his kitchen light on, and as I stand on the path outside my block of flats, I find myself leaning towards it for warmth.

‘Are you OK?’

I close my eyes against his voice. Trying to stop imagining him and Teddy together would be much easier without him in front of me. Clearly, they work well together in every way. Great, in fact. They can’t stop touching and seem to delight in each other’s every comment. If they’re like this in front of a group, alone in Elliot’s flat they must be inseparable, not able to rip their clothes off fast enough. I try to stop my thoughts, but images of them together fill my brain.