Page 30 of The Best Ex of My Life

Now she’s here, looking and smelling wonderful, a beautiful camisole tucked into new jeans I’ve not seen before. Now she’s here, and she’s the one looking after Elliot. I don’t need to be here at all. God, I shouldn’t be. I only wish this had occurred to me before I left my flat, before I turned Jordan down.

‘Hi,’ I recover, after staring at her a beat too long. ‘I thought I’d see if Elliot had heard anything yet. About the job.’

Teddy’s face lights up. ‘He got it!’

I’m happy for him, I remind myself. But there’s no way I’m bringing back the excitement I felt minutes ago. No way I’m going be able to pull this back to be anything other than humiliating.

‘That’s amazing!’ I say, desperately trying to imitate her tone. ‘I’m glad I went for the bubbles, ha! Where is he?’ I plan to hand him the champagne and get back in my car as quickly as I can manage.

Teddy doesn’t exactly block my way, but she definitely doesn’t invite me inside either. I look at her, puzzled.

‘He’s actually in the shower. I’m taking him out to celebrate. We’ve got a reservation at San Carlo at half seven, so we’re in a bit of a rush. Maybe you could text him?’

‘Yeah. Absolutely.’

A heavy feeling settles across my chest that has no right to be there. I should be delighted that my friend has got a new job and my best friend, who I set him up with, is going to treat him to an amazing night to celebrate. But more than the humiliation that I’m standing here with bread in my bag and champagne in my hand, having presumed it would be me he’d spend his night with, it’s sadness that’s pressing against my chest instead. Helping Elliot get this job had helped me forget how things had changed between us, how my place in Elliot’s life had shifted, and I wasn’t prepared for this stark reminder. Now Teddy’s here smiling at me like it’s the most natural thing in the world that she’s opened his door, so I do the only thing I can. I smile right back. ‘I’ll leave you to it,’ I say. ‘Tell him I’m delighted for him, won’t you?’

‘Yeah, no problem. And I’ll see you tomorrow night?’

‘You sure will. See you then.’

I thrust the bottle towards her and turn around to walk back down the stairs and through the corridor, desperate to be outside to take some deep gulps of air. I can feel tears building behind my eyes, but I can’t let them fall. Not when I know the reason for them is jealousy. Jealousy that my best friend is now occupying the space in Elliot’s life that I thought was still reserved for me.

The last few weeks have helped me and El get back to how we were before the awkwardness of when he started dating Teddy. Better than how we were, even. The truth is, I’ve loved being the person he relied on, the first person he called every day, the person he trusted to show his less confident, vulnerable side to. I’ve never called him a best friend before, not with Teddy and Karina taking those roles, but the last few weeks, I know that’s what I’ve been to him. Only, that’s gone now. There’s not enough room for both me and Teddy. Teddy is more than a friend. She’s going to be the one he celebrates with, who he calls, who he plans his life around, and I can’t be jealous of that. I wanted this, and now it’s here, I can’t cry about it. I won’t let myself. It’s that simple.

In my car, I take out my phone and as I wait for the call to connect, I start to think about tonight the way I should have done from the start. Elliot not only got his job, but he has Teddy to take him out and make him feel special. There’s no one better at doing that than Teddy, and he deserves to feel the high that being swept up in her adoration brings. Then there’s Teddy, my gorgeous and thoughtful best friend who is dating a guy I suggested for her. She deserves to be happy too. Meanwhile, I was asked out by an amazing, handsome man who couldn’t wait until the weekend to see me next, and I turned him down.

As soon as Jordan picks up, I jump in without hesitation.

‘How long do you reckon it will take you to get to mine? I’ve changed my mind. Saturday is definitely too long to wait until our next date.’

Chapter 13

There’s an expectant pause on the phone that I’ve got to fill, but cold dread has climbed up my spine and is gripping my throat.

No, no, no. Absolutely no way!

Four weeks in, and what started out as a bit of fun, as a brief antidote to the trauma of online dating, has become a runaway success. Karina and Matthew cannot be parted. When they aren’t at each other’s flats, they’re talking on the phone, and when they aren’t talking on the phone, they are sending each other a million messages a day. Elliot and Teddy are working out much more perfectly than I imagined. Based on their combined track record, I’d presumed they’d be done by now, that Teddy would have had a few good dates under her belt and would be filled with more optimism when it came to meeting someone new, but there’s no sign of things cooling off. There’s still an uncharacteristic lack of gushing from Teddy, but Karina’s right in reading that as a sign she’s really into him.

I don’t hear much gushing from Elliot either. Now he’s got the job, now he doesn’t need to put being with Teddy on hold, we aren’t spending anywhere near as much time together as we were. We’ve fallen back into our normal rhythm of only seeing each other at school. It’s strange after all the time I spent at his flat to know he’s not going to call me up begging me to come round and to pick up snacks on the way. I miss it, and although we’re back to how we’ve always worked, I can’t shake off the feeling that something between us has irrevocably changed.

That’s the strange thing with work friendships. You spend the majority of your time with your work friends, see them every day. You can make each other belly laugh one minute and be on hand to support each other the next. In ways, your work friends understand you more than anyone else in your life, but they are relationships built on circumstance and once those circumstances change, it sometimes turns out the friendship wasn’t quite as solid as you thought. I’ve done it loads of times before – promised I’d stay in touch with people moving on, told them nothing would change, but invariably, it always does. In a way, Elliot has already moved on. He’s technically my superior now. He tries to act like everything’s the same, but he’s moving in different circles, doing a great job of keeping a straight face around Mr Montgomery, and it’s hard not to feel the shift.

Maybe I’m being paranoid about El. Ever since my ex plan was put into action, I’ve been seeing everyone less. We’ve all been choosing to focus on our new relationships. I might miss seeing Elliot so much, and Karina, Teddy and I all agree that we miss hanging out with each other all the time, but we’re happy. That’s all I wanted.

There’s no doubt that Jordan makes me happy. We have fun together, the chemistry is building between us every time we meet up, and the more time I spend with him, the more he lets me see into his life, the more I think, yeah. Yeah, I can see a future here.

But none of that means I am going to buy into Karina’s thinking that putting us all in a room together for an entire drink-fuelled evening is a good idea.

‘Come on, Lizzie. I’m desperate to see what you and Jordan are like together, and I really, really want you to meet Matthew. He wants to meet you too, but most importantly, I want to know what he’s like with other people. All this time we’ve been spending together, it’s just been the two of us in our little cocoon, but what if he’s completely different out of it? If he’s terrible with other people, if that’s where his fatal flaw lies, I need to know it before I start to—’

I can hear the sharp intake of her breath, like she’s trying to suck back in her words, but it’s too late.

‘Start to what?’ I splutter. ‘Oh my God. You were just about to say the L-word, weren’t you?’

Karina emits a snort that is far too loud and pronounced. ‘Yeah, right. It’s been four weeks. That’s not what I was going to say at all. I was going to say before I start to believe there’s nothing that bothers me about him, that’s all.’

‘Sure,’ I say, smiling. ‘Let’s go with that.’