Page 15 of The Best Ex of My Life

‘Oh my God, yeah. She thinks he’s gorgeous – like a buff Timothée Chalamet. She’s never told you that?’

It’s strange to think that Teddy’s said that to Karina, that the two of them have talked about Elliot like this without me. Hearing it now is another reminder of how blurred I’m making the line that has separated my friendships until now. It’s something I suppose I’ll have to get used to hearing once the dating begins. I swallow and smile at Karina.

‘No, I don’t think so. Elliot will love the comparison, though. His head won’t fit through the door if she tells him.’

‘Hmmm. Maybe she thought she shouldn’t say it to you, you know, in case you ever got together again after that night. But hey, I guess there’s no need to worry about that now.’

Karina’s face breaks into a smile. ‘You’re right, Lizzie. Teddy deserves this. I bet she’ll be made up when she comes in.’

Right on cue, the door opens, and Teddy bounds in, her hair bouncing against her shoulders as she rushes towards us.

‘Thank you, thank you, thank you,’ she says, sitting down next to me and putting an arm around me. ‘I can’t believe I’m going out with Elliot on Saturday. He texted me earlier, and in, like, three messages, I knew he was going to be the best date I’ve had in ages.’

‘Yay,’ I say, smiling so hard my back teeth press together. OK, maybe Karina might have been right. It is different for me having Elliot as part of this. I’m sure my stomach wouldn’t be whirling so much if it was Jay she was excited about. This definitely feels weird. I should be happy to hear this, delighted – and I will be, I know that – it’s just going to take a moment to adjust.

‘He’s so funny, isn’t he? He was calling you the puppet master bringing us together, and then he sent a gif of Kermit the Frog with the message latest pic of me in case you forgot what I look like underneath.’

She waits for a reaction but being met only with mine and Karina’s blank faces, continues. ‘You know, because Kermit is in The Muppets, and The Muppets are puppets.’

‘Good one,’ I say, deadpan, putting my thumbs up, but I can’t help smiling at how animated she is, how Elliot’s crappy jokes have brought out this lighter side in Teddy that most men she dates fail to find. It’s what tells me that I was right to do this, despite how strange it might feel at the start.

Teddy rolls her eyes, like it’s a great shame Elliot’s sophisticated humour is lost on mere mortals like me and Karina before her wide smile lights up her face again. ‘I really owe you for this,’ she says.

‘You’re very welcome,’ I tell her.

And with that, I pick up my negroni and neck it in two sips.

Chapter 7

I plan to spend all afternoon getting ready for my date with Jordan. The last date I got dressed up for ended with me being called an absolute bitch and almost swearing off first dates forever. I’d quite like this one to go better than that, so after a long lie in, I decide to make the rest of the day as nice as I can to put me back on a good footing with dating. A bath, a delicious lunch, plenty of time to do my hair and make-up and a glass of wine before I set off to the Italian in the village I’ve booked for dinner should be enough to allow me to meet Jordan in a state of serene calmness.

As it is, my serene calmness lasts until twelve thirty, when my phone rings, and I answer a call from my mum.

‘Hi, Mum.’

‘The toastie machine’s broken,’ she opens with.

‘Oh no.’

‘I don’t want soup, so do you fancy meeting for lunch? We can go to Costa. Their toasties will do.’

‘That sounds lovely, but I can’t. I’ve a pile of essays to mark.’ I don’t like lying to my mother, but she is the last person I should be seeing today. Since she and Dad divorced, Mum has become a love cynic. Whenever I tell her about a new man in my life, her reaction is always the same: ‘Be careful. If he sounds too good to be true, he is too good to be true.’ She would never tell me not to bother falling in love, that nothing but trouble comes from it, but she doesn’t need to. I saw first-hand the hatred that had spilled into Mum and Dad’s marriage at the end, the arguments that they’d quickly shut down when I walked into a room. Much as Mum tries to tell me it was the both of them, I’ve always felt Dad was more to blame, and I’ve never been close to him since he moved out.

Seeing her today will inevitably lead to her asking what plans I have tonight and to her ripping apart the fragile joy I’ve worked hard on summoning about meeting Jordan with a disdainful look or a withering comment. ‘Can’t you have a break for a while?’

‘I’m sorry I can’t, but I’ll be round tomorrow for tea if that’s still OK?’

‘Fine,’ she says, put out. ‘See you tomorrow then. I’ll have to have the soup, won’t I?’

‘Sorry,’ I try again, but she’s already hung up.

Just as I put my phone down, it rings again.

‘Hello, didn’t think I’d be hearing from you today,’ I say to Elliot.

‘Tell me I’ve not made a massive mistake booking crazy golf for this date tonight?’

‘Does no one say hello anymore?’