Page 14 of The Best Ex of My Life

‘Better, but you’re going to have to tell your face to get with the script too before you meet him.’

The school bell comes to my rescue, saving me the effort of explaining to Elliot that, like me, Karina has had to make phone call after phone call before finally getting someone to agree to go out on a date with me. She didn’t tell me how many exes she’d had to ring before Jordan, but the grimace on her face when she said his name was enough to make me sure she’d veered a long way from her list of best exes.

Elliot begins to gather his books together, and I work on finishing my tea and delaying my next lesson. Tuesdays are my worst day of the week, but at least I’ve ticked off one job, and I do feel lighter knowing I’ve sorted out who I’m setting Teddy up with.

Just as I’m about to admit defeat and get up, Elliot suddenly leans towards my body. Elliot and I are not huggers. We’re not high-fivers, or back-slappers. We don’t touch. It’s one of our silent rules, a bedrock of our friendship that’s never been spoken of but agreed in action since we spent the night together, as if we’re both scared that physical contact will send us right back to too many glasses of wine in a candlelit pub. At first, I stay still, mild panic at the situation flaring in my mind, but I figure he must be grateful about being set up with Teddy. Given that setting him up with someone is so far out of the bounds of our usual friendship, he must have decided he might as well keep going with the things we never do by giving me this hug to say thanks.

Tentatively, I put my arms around his broad back, feeling the muscles under his shirt even with the lightest of touches. I breathe in and smell the aftershave he wears every day but something else too, something clean and masculine that’s maybe shower gel or deodorant. The top of my head rests just under his chin. I remember this feeling. I remember lying in bed next to him thinking how well our bodies fit together. We haven’t been this physically close in over a year, not since that night, and I’m shocked at how familiar touching him feels. What am I playing at?

It takes a second or two before my senses die down and it hits me that he’s not, in fact, hugging me back.

‘Erm, Lizzie, I was just reaching for my laptop.’

Shit.

I drop my hands, and he pulls back. He reaches over my lap to get his computer from the seat next to me while I stay frozen, my face on fire. As he’s straightening up, he looks at me, and I can tell from his wide eyes and pink flush he’s just as embarrassed as I am.

‘Sorry, I thought—’ I start.

‘Don’t worry,’ he interrupts. ‘I was just … laptop.’

‘Yeah.’

He sits back in his seat but doesn’t move, and there are a painful few seconds where we’re side by side in silence. It’s so excruciating, I scramble around for anything to get us past this, before settling on the best option: to pretend it never happened.

‘Thanks again for going out with Teddy. You’re the best, Elliot, and this is going to be so much fun,’ I say, my voice all over-enthusiastic and squeaky.

‘Yeah. It will be,’ he says. ‘I’m late, I should—’

‘Yeah, sure, course. See you later.’

He rushes out the staffroom, and once the door has shut behind him, I take a furtive look around the room to see which of my esteemed colleagues might have witnessed our exchange. Sitting at a desk in the corner, I spot Eloise giving me a death stare. I hurry past her and scuttle back to my classroom, where thirty children will only be judging me on how boring I am teaching figurative language for the next hour. I know which I prefer.

The best thing about Tuesdays is what comes after school: my weekly cocktail catch-up with Teddy and Karina in The Drawing Room, a tiny bar in West Didsbury that’s a short walk for me and a shared Uber for Teddy and Karina. We try to stick to it religiously, and over the years, we’ve all come to look forward to a few hours sitting together over drinks more than big nights out in clubs or loud pubs where there might be lots of fit men, but we can’t hear a word each other says.

When I arrive, Karina is already sitting at our favourite table in the window, with three negronis waiting to be drunk.

‘I’m late, I know. I had reports to write, and I might have been watching Married at First Sight at the same time,’ I say, sitting down and taking my coat off.

‘It’s fine. So, are you sorted then?’ she asks.

‘Yeah,’ I say, knowing what she means. ‘I asked Elliot today.’

She sits back in her chair and studies me with her wide, heavily lined eyes. ‘Are you sure you’re OK with this?’

‘Yeah. It’s annoying that I’ve had to go for my fourth choice, and that he’s not really an ex, but this is about setting Teddy up with someone decent for a change, and Elliot fits the bill.’

‘I see that, but I mean, are you OK with Elliot going out with Teddy? I know it was kind of my suggestion, but I was only winding you up. I don’t know, when I was suggesting Elliot, well … maybe I shouldn’t have suggested Elliot.’

I laugh at this so that I don’t have to answer right away. I can feel uncertainty still bubbling in my stomach and worry that if I speak too soon, she’ll hear it in my voice. I take a long sip of my negroni to cover the pause, but Karina’s eyes never leave mine, so I force a swallow and say, ‘Karina, I’m glad you suggested him. It’s fine.’

‘Are you sure? I mean, you still see Elliot all the time. It’s not like me choosing Jordan for you and Teddy choosing Matthew for me. They’re both exes in the real sense, as in there’s no relationship between us anymore. It’s different for you and Elliot.’

‘It’s absolutely fine,’ I tell her again as I’ve also told Teddy and myself multiple times over the last week. ‘Elliot’s a friend, that’s all. He’s always been that apart from one pissed mistake of a night, so there’s nothing to be OK or not OK about. Teddy will have a great time with Elliot, and that’s the main thing. It might not last forever, and I’ve told Teddy everything I know about Elliot’s recent dating life, but I figure Teddy won’t mind all that much. As long as she gets a break from online horror dating for a while, she’ll be pleased.’

‘OK,’ she says, holding up her hands. ‘I mean, Teddy’s delighted.’

‘Is she?’