Page 21 of Guardian of Exile

7

Two hours later, even Nyx’s depressed tastebuds could admit she’d consumed some of the best food in her life. She was also tipsy off two drinks, because she pretty much never drank anymore, which meant her alcohol tolerance was absolute shit. Her mind was pleasantly hazy to the point she wasn’t really thinking about anything, and somewhere in the back of it little alarm bells were going off, telling her that this feeling was why people started drinking and then started drinking too much.

But that wasn’t likely to happen with her. She didn’t drink at the Station or in Earth Between, because she was constantly terrified something would happen and she would need to have her wits about her. Maybe it was paranoia, maybe it was rooted in the reality of possessing something the All Council very much wanted back, but she realized that while she felt safe in the Station, that safety felt tenuous due to its connection to the rest of the universe.

Being in Dead Earth, most of a continent away from the planet’s ley line connection, was the first time she’d felt like nothing bad was likely to happen to her or her friends unexpectedly. Yes, they were searching for someone who could be dangerous, but that person didn’t know they were looking for them. Tristen Veld wouldn’t be a threat to them until they located and approached him. For now, everything was…okay.

Tension she hadn’t realized she’d been carrying eased off her shoulders. Between that and the pleasant hum of alcohol in her veins, she didn’t pay much attention to where they were going as she followed Evra and Morgen out of the restaurant. She wandered along in the middle of their group, following where they led, Kaden at her back, and just…drifted. Taking in the sights and sounds of the city at night, she almost understood why some people loved places like this. There was a kind of nebulous possibility in being surrounded by so many people. She supposed that if you were looking for something, this was the kind of place that made you feel like you might be able to find it.

The thumping sounds of a nightclub drew near, people lined up in the street outside, waiting to get in. It wasn’t until they approached the head of the line and Morgen veered toward the bouncer at the door, a Siren’s gleam in his eye, that Nyx realized he intended to go inside.

She stuttered to a stop. Evra reached back, grabbing her wrist and tugging her forward. “Come on.”

Nyx kept her feet rooted firmly to the pavement. Or tried to. Evra’s “gentle tugs” were a normal person’s forceful yanks. “This is a dance club,” Nyx protested.

“Yes. We will dance and it will be fun.”

A rising sense of pure dread built in Nyx’s chest. “No, you don’t understand, I can’t dance.” She wouldn’t have thought Evra, of all people, would be a dancer. But then dancing was a sport for the confident, and the Amazon had confidence in spades.

“Oh.” Evra frowned. “Yes, I suppose with your unconventional upbringing, there would have been little chance to learn. Do not worry, it is an instinctual activity.”

“We can teach you,” Morgen said, having come back to check on the holdup and caught the tail end of the conversation.

“No, I—I don’t think that’s a good idea. I won’t pick it up and it will just be embarrassing.” The creeping dread was blossoming into full-blown panic. She couldn’t quite explain the problem she had with crowds in confined spaces. She didn’t know if it was a product of growing up so isolated, or if it was just something about her. Seth had never been likewise bothered, so probably the latter. But the idea of people crowding her in on all sides in a space designed for interaction, of potentially being pressed against random bodies, made her feel like she was drowning in quicksand.

Evra waved a dismissive hand. “It is too dark and everyone will be too drunk for anything to be embarrassing. No one will even notice you.”

Nyx grasped desperately for another excuse. “I have Alihana,” she objected. “I can’t exactly dance with a sword on my hip.”

“Kaden can keep them,” Morgen offered. “I quit trying to get him to dance years ago. He’ll be at the bar.”

“It is settled then,” Evra tugged her forward and Nyx found her feet moving against her will.

Just tell them the truth. You don’t want to dance and it has nothing to do with inexperience or Alihana, and everything to do with debilitating social anxiety you have no interest in overcoming. But her mouth wouldn’t open.

This was bad. This was so, so bad. She was going to end up in there, where she was going to hyperventilate and pass out, and it would be mortifying and she would have ruined everyone else’s night.

Open your fucking mouth, Nyx. But her mouth seemed to have quit working, either the panic or the alcohol buzz interfering with her verbal control.

Her forward momentum came to an abrupt halt when Kaden’s hands landed on her shoulders, counteracting Evra. Nyx felt like a rag doll pulled between the two of them, but in this one instance, she didn’t mind.

“She doesn’t want to go in there,” Kaden said.

Why did Nyx know she would pass out in that environment? She’d tried it once. Kaden had been there.

Evra’s eyes flashed. “I do not believe it is up to you to decide what she does or does not want to do.”

Nyx finally found her voice. “I don’t want to go.”

Evra looked down at her, the Amazon’s expression shifting as she seemed to register that something was actually wrong. She pulled Nyx away from Kaden and Morgen, where they could talk privately.

“I’m sorry,” Nyx said, “I know you want me to let loose and have fun, and I love you for wanting that for me, but this is not my idea of fun, and if you take me in there I’m probably going to pass out.”

“I see,” Evra said. “I am sorry, I should have realized sooner what you meant.”

“No, I should have just actually said I didn’t want to go.”

“Well, it is no matter. There is no shortage of other things to entertain in a city this size.”