Page 5 of Your Love

“DON’T ASK!” Sascha and I say in unison, which causes the group to release a collective chuckle.

“So, stay, relax, lie on the beach, drink Mai Tais, and figure stuff out,” Sash says.

“I think it’s a great idea,” Ivy replies.

“Okay, if you guys think so.”

“We do,” Sash and Ivy say in unison.

“You don’t hate me?”

“Never, Ker-Bear,” Sascha says. “We love you just like we love Landry. You can’t undo what’s happened in your past. Nothing changes with us.”

I can’t help but cry harder when I think about how I have the best friends I could ever ask for. “Okay,” I say. “I’ll go down to the front desk tomorrow and see if I can stay longer.”

“Don’t worry about it,” Sascha says. “Taz will handle it.”

“You are the best friends,” I cry. “I love y’all so much.”

“We love you, too,” Ivy says. “Call us in a day or two and let us know how you’re doing.”

“I will,” I reply. “Goodnight, everyone.”

A chorus of “goodnights” and “we love yous” ring out over the line before I hang up.

I sink into the plush comfort of the bed, thoughts swirling in my head like the storm I caused today. My heart aches, yet I’m filled with so much gratitude for the people I met when I moved to Merrimack before the end of my senior year of high school.

Every day with them has been an adventure full of laughter, inside jokes, and shared memories. Even through the distance and various stages of our lives, we’ve maintained our friendships, which is something I’m very proud of. I think it’s because each one of our personalities is unique and complements the others perfectly. One trait we all share, no matter what, is loyalty—loyalty to one another and to the people we love. That’s why we’ve managed to stay close for so long.

Corey Delacour is our unofficial leader. It’s not a job he asked for and probably not one he wants, but he radiates a natural confidence that draws people in. He is who he is, and he doesn’t apologize for it. It’s that way on the ice and in life. Delzy’s self-assured and level-headed, and he’s an example of how someone can make anything of their life. He sees that possibility in others, as well. A perfect example—while most people in school dismissed Ivy as a strange outcast, Delzy noticed beyond her quirky exterior and rumored unusual past and gently coaxed her out of her shell. And when she wasn’t ready to move with him to Boston, he patiently waited for her for years on end. That devotion is a testament to his character, something lots of people lack these days.

Ivy is the tough one in our group. You wouldn’t guess that considering we hang out with hockey players, but it’s true. She is a survivor with a strength that few can match. After she was kidnapped as a child, it was her sheer will and intelligence that kept her alive. She endured countless days and nights trapped in a cult and was forced to witness unspeakable acts of violence. Later, when she finally broke free, she created a happy life for herself, never letting those years define her. She recently wrote a book that shared her story with the world, and that took unimaginable courage.

Every group has a clown. Our group has Taz. He’s hilarious, always ready with a joke or witty remark to lighten the mood. He didn’t have the easiest path growing up, but he responded by developing a carefree demeanor and sharp wit. He’s an amazing hockey player and, surprisingly, a great friend, knowing how to be sensitive when he needs to be. And when it comes to his girlfriend, Sascha, his love is abounding. There is literally nothing that man wouldn’t do for her.

Speaking of Sascha—she’s our fearless sentry standing guard over our group. No one is a champion for the underdog more than Sash. Her core values are fairness and justice, and she will go to the ends of the Earth for those without a voice. She exudes a strong sense of self that I admire, much like Delzy. Her relationship with Taz is full of joy and laughter, and she threatens to punch him in the throat on occasion. It works perfectly for them.

Me, well I’m just a simple farm girl from Texas who was forced to move to Merrimack at eighteen-years-old. I love my family, friends, animals, and a man who can’t love me back. Not anymore. I waited too long, and I took him for granted. Someone else recognized all of his wonderful, and now I’ve lost him. So, who am I really? Now, I’m not so sure. I guess that’s something I’ll be thinking about for the next week.

And then there’s Landry. My Landry. He’s quiet, only offering words when he feels they can provide something to the conversation. Unlike Taz, he doesn’t talk just to talk, and unlike Delzy, he maintains a mysterious, guarded nature. He doesn’t do it on purpose—he’s just not bothered to let too many people into his world. He’s a perfect goalie, standing guard alone —just him and his thoughts. He’s probably the most mild-mannered of us all until he’s not. If you hurt someone he loves, then you best better get the hell out of the way.

My relationship with Landry is difficult to define. From the moment we met, there was a spark between us. Everyone knew it. It was undeniable. But I had just escaped a toxic relationship and was determined to focus on myself for a while. He was unsure what to do about college and hockey. So we settled on friendship, but we both knew the possibility of more was always in the background.

Then we hit a snag—the more time we spent together, the more that friendship blossomed into more, despite both of us trying to stifle it. For a very brief period of time, I had everything I wanted with him—and it was perfect. Then something happened that changed everything. I couldn’t control it, but my actions in the aftermath, while understandable and potentially necessary, certainly didn’t help. And now he’s gone, and I’m going to have to learn to live with that.

But right now, I don’t want to think about the future. I want to spend some time reminiscing about the past and how this all came to be. I want to remember everything, the good and the bad, before I’m forced to move forward in a direction I never thought possible.

Chapter 3

"Fast Car"

Kerri - Age 18, 1988

“Are you sure you want to do this?” My mother’s voice is filled with worry and hesitation as she poses the question for what feels like the hundredth time in the past two days. I pause my frantic packing and spin around to face her.

“Yes, Mama. I’m sure,” I reply, trying to sound confident despite the doubts that still linger in my mind. “I need a fresh start.”

Tears begin to well up in my mother’s eyes, and she reaches out to grasp my hand. “I know,” she says, her voice choked with emotion. “We’re going to miss you so much.”