Page 61 of Tainted Love

Her words hit a nerve, and I can’t help but wonder if she’s speaking from personal experience. “It sounds like you know how that feels.”

“I do,” she admits. “Corey and I were meant to be together. My love for him runs so deep it aches in my bones.”

A million thoughts swirl through my mind, but one question burns brighter than the rest: "Is he still living with Corey?“ That July evening stands at the forefront of my memory. We returned home, only for him to silently retreat to his room. Then, the next day, after saying goodbye to my parents and promising to keep in touch with them, he left without a word to me.

“I think they’re both gone,” she says, her voice thick with sadness. My heart aches. I’m not sure what’s worse. The thought of him being so close yet out of reach or knowing he’s now so far away.

Tears flow freely down my cheeks as I ask, “What do we do now?”

“We do what I did for years,” she replies, her eyes glistening with unshed tears. “We take each day as it comes.” The weight of her words settles on me like a heavy blanket, reminding me of the long days and lonely nights that stretch before us. But I know we have each other and unknown futures with endless possibilities.

PART THREE

"My So-Called Life"

Chapter 26

“Save Tonight”

Sascha - Age 24, 1994

This evening has been more than I was mentally prepared for. Some of us ladies went to grab a few drinks earlier to celebrate Sarah’s wedding tomorrow, and I had been desperately looking forward to a night out with the girls.

I planned to sip a martini or two to soothe my rapidly fraying nerves about seeing Michael tomorrow for the first time in years.

I was feeling cool, calm, and collected. At least, that’s the image I was portraying on the outside. And it was working. I had it handled. I was mentally prepared to see him tomorrow, be cordial and friendly, and enjoy the wedding without drama. After all, we’re not exactly friends anymore, but we’re also not enemies. We’re just sort of…neutral, or so I thought.

Then Ivy took us all on a little trip down memory lane. She had a couple of glasses of Chardonnay and regaled the group with tales of cults, teenage bullies, and lost love. She told her story from beginning to end—the kidnapping, life in captivity, meeting me, Corey, and everyone else in high school, and how she’s felt stuck these past few years.

Everyone listened with rapt attention. It’s an astonishing story. So astonishing that she’s written it into a book. I’m so proud of her for telling it, but I wasn’t prepared for the onslaught of feelings that crashed over me like endless waves on a stormy day. Every time I tried to come up for air, I was pulled back under in a riptide of sentiment.

In the center of her story was Michael Tazman. Well, maybe he wasn’t the center of her story, but he’s the center of mine. As she talked about her time in high school, I relived it with her. All of the friendship, anger, lust, and love came flooding back to me. Every step of my relationship with him stared me in the face, impossible to ignore, even two martinis deep.

I did my best to focus on Ivy, offering support as she recalled the strange events of her life through her teenage years. But the truth is, ever since I got home two days ago, all I’ve been able to think about is how this wedding has the potential to affect my own life.

So when I returned home this evening, my head was spinning. My parents had gone to bed, so I went upstairs to my childhood room and plopped down on the bed.

Being surrounded by the memories held within these walls is always comforting. My parents haven’t changed much in here. They have no real use for this room, so things are basically as I left it. It’s like sleeping in a time capsule.

As I slip under the covers of the bed that was my haven for years, a wave of nostalgia envelops me along with the new comforter. It’s blue and lighter than I preferred in high school. My posters, once proudly displayed on the walls, are now safely tucked away in the closet. But everything else is the same—the mirror across the room, adorned with pictures of me and my friends from our teenage years, smiles back at me.

The years have passed in a blur, and it’s hard to believe how much time has passed. It feels like we were young and reckless just yesterday, sneaking around for secret nights together. But now, as I look back on those memories, they seem distant and hazy.

He’s come home sporadically to visit his grandmother, and I’ve returned during breaks and holidays, yet our paths haven’t crossed. Whether this was a conscious decision or simply the way life played out, I can’t say. Occasionally, he will call my parents to check in and ask about me, but direct contact between us has been nonexistent since we were eighteen.

And while I think of him often, I haven’t reached out either. Time has created a distance between us that seems insurmountable. We have both moved on with our lives, forming new connections and traveling down different paths. Such is the predictable nature of life, and not the first time it’s happened with us, I find myself thinking with a hint of resignation.

I wouldn’t know what to say to him now. The mere thought of facing someone who was once such a big part of my world sends a sharp pang through my chest. Ivy and I have discussed it endlessly but still can’t figure out the right words. How do you talk to a stranger who used to know every intimate detail of your life? It’s too trippy to comprehend, so I choose avoidance.

But tomorrow, there will be no way to avoid one another. My heart raced when Landry told me he had arrived in town alone. I had assumed he would have a bevy of beautiful women surrounding him, just like he did in high school. After all, he’s become a successful professional hockey player in his first year in the NHL. The thought of him being here, in this small town where everything is frozen in time, makes my head spin.

My eyelids begin to droop, heavy with alcohol and the need for sleep. I can only hope that a night of rest will bring clarity for tomorrow.

The ceremony is gorgeous and goes off without a hitch. Well, there is a tiny hitch. Ivy freezes dead in her tracks halfway down the aisle when she sees Corey standing near the best man. I’m able to give her a friendly bump in the butt with my bridesmaid bouquet, and she shakes out of her funk long enough to make it to her place in the front of the church with the rest of the bridal party.

As for me, I move with confidence. I look fantastic. This gunmetal gray bridesmaid dress fits me like a second skin. My hair is cooperating, my makeup is dramatic yet daytime-event friendly, and I have the perfect smile plastered on my face. I’m ready to see Michael Tazman.

Except when my eyes meet his from where he sits near Landry, I almost come to a full stop in my tracks as well. I somehow had forgotten the effect those aquamarine eyes have always had on me. His hair is back to its natural brown shade, and I nearly combust when he gives me a genuine smile and a knowing wink.