Page 11 of Pieces Into Place

My face scrunches up into a tight knot of fury. “Who the fuck is Ryan?”

Kathrin draws a deep breath and exhales slowly before she begins to explain. “We went to high school together. We reconnected a few months ago-”

“That was a rhetorical fucking question, Kathrin! I don’t give two shits about Ryan from high school. But you moved my dog in with your new boyfriend? Are you fucking serious?” My voice rises with each word until it seems like the room is shaking around us. I glance over at Annie, who’s panting nervously as she looks between me and Kathrin before sitting down at my feet-her way of reaffirming whose side she’s on.

Kathrin throws her hands up in exasperation.

“See. That’s it right there,” she says with a wave of her arm toward me. “You’re more upset about your dog than your girlfriend.”

“Ex-girlfriend,” I reply coldly. “And it would seem I have reason to be. One of you is much more loyal than the other.”

Kathrin’s mouth gapes open. “Wow. That’s low, Kane,” she says with a sigh. “This was never going to work.”

I shake my head as the room gets smaller and smaller by the minute. “That’s not true, and you know it. But if that’s the excuse you need to tell yourself-”

“Kane, listen to me. You’re a great guy, but you’re never home. Even when you are home, you are millions of miles away.” She shakes her head as she continues. “We’ve been drifting apart for a long time. You have this drive or something. I don’t know what it is or why it’s so important to you. But your need to do this job comes first. It was fine until I realized that it’s not normal.”

“Thousands of people make these types of relationships work, Kathrin. Don’t tell me it’s not normal. It may not be perfect, but it can work.”

She exhales heavily. “Yes, it can work. But it hasn’t been working for us for a long time. I just didn’t realize it.”

“This is bullshit,” I snarl. “It’s just an excuse for you to leave guilt-free.”

She steps closer and reaches out for my hand but I quickly tuck it away. My jaw clenched as she continues.

“First, you need to know that I didn’t plan this. It just happened.”

My intense gaze burns into her but she stands her ground and proceeds with her rehearsed break-up speech.

“I love you. I have loved you since we met. At first, I was drawn in by your quiet strength and mysterious nature. You seemed to be fighting a battle no one else could see. All of the time. And it made me feel so special to be the one person you could open up to, even if only a little bit. But that’s just it. I don’t think you ever really let me in…not in any true way. We were great friends who had fantastic sex, but there was always something missing. I am not the person you need.” She takes a deep breath before she finishes her thought. “I am sorry, Kane.”

“I was going to propose to you,” I blurt out. I hear her gasp and see more tears streaming down her face.

Calmly, she steps toward me and looks up into my face. “Kane, can I ask you a question?” she whispers.

It takes me a moment, but I finally nod.

“Do you really want to marry me or do you just think it’s something you think you should do? Be honest with yourself.”

My heart squeezes in my chest as I let her words linger in the air between us. I don’t honestly know the answer to the question. I know I’ve always wanted a relationship like my parents have. But maybe she’s right. Maybe I’m broken somehow and incapable of the vulnerability required to achieve it. It’s all too much to think about right now. In the span of two weeks I’ve almost died, lost my best friend, and now my girlfriend has decided to leave me.

I sit on the bed and stare out the window in defeat. I’m used to fighting for what I want, but I can’t fight for this. I’m going to lose this one, just as I lost the one that landed me in this place. It’s over.

Kathrin sits tentatively beside me on the bed. “I’m sorry. The timing is horrible. I didn’t want it to come out this way. And your parents-”

I interrupt her before she can say something else that will ignite my anger again. “Yeah, I can guarantee you’re off the Christmas card list.”

She chuckles through her tears. “Kane, I’m so sorry. I know I can’t make it right.”

I don’t respond, because she’s right. There is nothing she can say.

“For the record, once you decide to settle down and really give your heart to someone, you’re going to make her very happy.”

In the history of stupid break-up cliches, that has to be the worst. It conveys pity and superiority. Neither of which I need. Right now, I don’t see myself ever settling down. If this is love, I never want any part of it again.

“I assume your stuff is all out?” I ask in a calm, measured tone, staring straight ahead.

“Yes,” she answers, her chest heaving with sobs waiting to rip free.