Page 81 of Beautiful Small Things

“James, why don’t you tell me what you think happened.”

I waste no time laying it out there, finally. “We were getting closer. We were in love. It scared you. You freaked out and told me to go find myself across the country.”

He shakes his head and speaks softly. “That is not even remotely what happened. I was scared, yes. But only that you would regret staying. I couldn’t take that chance. I needed you to ensure this is where you wanted to be.”

“I hated it,” I scream. “I hated every minute of it. New York. Dancing. All of it.”

To his credit, Marcus remains calm, unwilling to match my energy with his own.

“I’m sorry, James. But now you know,” he replies.

“At what cost?” I spit. “I missed time with Iris. My fucking knee is shot.”

“But you know that is not the life for you. You had to know.”

“It was so hard,” I say as my lips begin to tremble.

“I know,” he says softly. “But I honestly thought we were doing what was best for all of us. Iris included. James, you had always wanted to dance. It was your dream. When you told me you’d be Iris’s nanny, you made it seem like you’d be leaving eventually to pursue dancing. That was always in the back of my mind. It killed me, but I knew I’d have to let you go,” he says, taking a step toward me.

“Why? Why did you get to decide that?” I beg.

“You had a chance to pursue your dream, and I wasn’t going to stop you.”

“Being with you two was a different dream,” I whisper.

“I just wanted to make sure you got to be a young woman. I saw the negative pregnancy test in the trash. Then I found your letter, and it reminded me that you weren’t obligated to us. You still had time to go live your life. I knew it was the right time to let you go. But I always prayed you’d come back,” he says.

“There was never a good time to let me go,” I say as a shiver wracks my body. “It broke my heart.”

“James, it broke mine, too. And Iris’s. But I did what I thought was best for everyone. Nothing in my life has ever been as difficult as staying away from you.”

“I just wanted you to love me enough to ask me to stay.”

He steps even closer, so I can feel the heat from his body. “You still don’t get it. It’s because I love you so much that I told you to go.”

The next day I call Callan and stop by a local sports bar to grab a beer and unwind. Iris is with my parents for the night, and I have been pacing at home, just waiting for James to reach out again. I can’t focus on anything but her.

“How have you been doing, Brother?” I ask him. It’s an unfortunate part of growing up, but even though we live near one another and our children spend time together, we often can’t find the time.

“Doing good,” he replies, taking a long sip of his IPA. “Just working, spending time with Colby and the kids.”

“Mhm,” I nod. “Who would have thought we would be living such normal, settled lives?”

“I can’t believe you lived through college,” he laughs.

“That’s a fair point. I did push the envelope sometimes.”

“Always,” he replies.

“Do you think James is going to be OK?” I ask.

“She will. Her sister will take care of her. We all will,” he says with a sigh.

“She came to see me tonight,” I tell him.

“Yeah? How did that go?”

“She’s hurt, but I think she’s beginning to understand why I pushed her to leave.”