Page 75 of Beautiful Small Things

“Any experience is more than me,” I say honestly.

“Hey, look at me,” he says. I swing my head back up to meet his eyes. “That wasn’t meant to be insulting. And to answer your question, I haven’t done everything in your book. I’ve thought about it. A lot. I don’t want to be with just anyone. That’s empty, you know? I’d rather be with someone I care about.”

I giggle. I, Iris Raye Sinclair, actually giggle. It’s a strange and unfamiliar sound that catches us both by surprise. “This is a lot to take in,” I admit.

Orion nods and lifts our intertwined hands between us. “I know this seems out of left field to you, but I’ve been thinking a lot about it recently. Can we be best friends and remain open to whatever might happen in the future? Just us. No one needs to know. Our families are too nosy as it is.”

Warmth travels through my body as his words wash over me. I lean in and close my eyes as my lips softly press against his warm, tan cheek. When I pull back, he’s smiling at me with a twinkle behind those mossy green eyes.

For the first time, my attention is divided between academics and matters of the heart, and I welcome the distraction.

Chapter thirty-one

New York Tears

James

Iris: When can we discuss your breakup with my dad?

James: Do we have to?

Iris: Yes. You can sugarcoat it, but I’d like to know the basics. Also, I’d like to hear about your time in New York.

James: You’re really killing me with this walk down memory lane, Squirrel.

Iris: I’m sorry. You don’t have to tell me. It’s none of my business.

James: It is your business. I agreed to answer all of these questions, and I will. I’m about to head back to the hotel for the evening. How about I email you later?

Iris: Perfect.

I look around the studio and feel my heart lighten with gratitude. I never envisioned this for myself when I was younger. I never set out to open a chain of dance studios to teach children to explore their love of dance. This is my fourth studio, and it doesn’t stop being awe-inspiring.

It smells like fresh paint. The mirrors are pristine. No scuffs darken the walls yet. It’s absolutely perfect.

We will be having a grand opening party soon. My entire family will be here. But even more exciting than any of this is the thought that I get to return home soon.

On the way to the hotel, I pick up a fast-food chicken sandwich and then head straight for the shower. Once I’m relaxed and covered in the scent of lavender, I sit at my laptop to email Iris.

These memories have lived at the surface of my existence since Iris started her knowledge quest about Marcus, so it’s not difficult to recall that time.

I was so confused and so angry. I didn’t see what was happening. What’s the old saying? Hindsight is 20/20. It’s so true. Looking back now, I can understand why things happened the way they did and why they had to happen at all.

Sometimes, I wish I’d handled it differently, but past decisions lead us to be the people we become, even bad decisions. Maybe, especially the bad ones.

I felt shunned as soon as Marcus told me I should go to New York. I convinced myself he was kicking me out of his life. I was young and naive, just as everyone had told me. So instead of listening to what he was telling me, that he would make room for our relationship, even from far away, I assumed it would be a lost cause. I convinced myself it could never work. I lost faith in him. I made him the villain because it was easier to be angry.

I packed up my things that night and went to stay with Colby until I left for New York six days later.

Marcus called. He came over. I refused to see him. It hurt too much. I had decided a clean break was what was necessary for me to focus on my dancing. It was honestly just a way to hurt Marcus. So, for the second time, I removed myself from him completely.

It was a relief to hear that Colby would be taking care of Iris while Marcus was working. She was home with Orion anyway, so it made sense. I found it comforting that Iris wouldn’t be with a stranger. I also made a pact with Colby to send me videos and pictures of Iris as often as possible.

I can’t believe I ever thought I could put either of them out of my mind and especially out of my heart. I shake my head as I think back to that time. I was such a mess.

Many years have passed, but the feelings are still as vivid as the orange glow of a sunset over the ocean. I stare at the blinking cursor for a moment to gather my thoughts before I begin typing.

James - Age 24