Page 40 of Beautiful Small Things

“I don’t know,” she shrugs. “I guess because this is the culmination of everything I have always dreamed of and wanted. It was the biggest day of my life. It’s a fairy tale.”

“That’s amazing. I’m so happy for you, Colbs,” I say softly.

“But?” she asks.

“But,” I reply, “I think I’m broken. I don’t believe in fairy tales anymore,” I say, only half-joking.

“Well, that’s sad,” she replies, shifting her feet.

“Not everyone is so whimsical and romantic, Colby,” I say, looking anywhere but at her face.

“I know. It’s just that-,” she cuts herself off, “Nevermind.”

“Tell me.”

“Well, you used to be whimsical and romantic. We used to talk about our weddings. I remember you believing in the fairytale.”

“Things change, I guess,” I shrug, looking around the room so she can’t see the emotion behind my eyes. “I’m going to go mingle.” I smile and start to move away.

Colby places her hand on my arm and gives it a gentle squeeze. “I love you,” she says sweetly.

“I love you, too, Sis.”

The next two hours are spent mingling with some of Colby’s friends, many of my parent’s friends, and Callan’s mom and her friends. I watch Colby open her presents, an activity I normally love, but today it’s not bringing me the same joy. Except for the part where Callan’s mother bought her some racy lingerie. Colby turned a shade of red I’ve never seen. The moms are trying to force grandchildren one neglige at a time.

I make another trip to the mimosa bar, hoping to dispel my melancholy with alcohol. It doesn’t work. As Colby is thanking everyone for their lovely presents, I feel that all too familiar heaviness settle in my chest.

Suddenly emotion overtakes me, and I need to get some fresh air. I slip out the side door and stand on the balcony, breathing in the warm summer air and allowing it to surround me like a hug. I take a large sip of my blue Tiffany Mimosa to calm my sudden anxiety. I’m not sure why I’m so emotional right now and so hell-bent on reliving the torment of my “relationship” with Marcus or any of my other relationship failures, but I can’t seem to stop thinking about the twists and turns of my life.

When I was younger, I thought I’d be dancing all over the world by now. I thought I’d have a clear-cut direction and, hopefully, a man who doted on me the way Callan does my sister. Instead, I have a C grade point average at a university I don’t want to go to in a major I don’t care about. I rarely date. I’m still hung up on a man I can’t have, who is altogether wrong for me anyway. It’s all so depressing.

“James,” my mother says, pulling me out of my thoughts. I’m grateful for the interruption.

“Hi, Mom,” I say, hugging her tightly. “I was just thinking about you.” I lie.

“About what?” she asks, sipping a pink bubbly drink and looking a bit unsteady on her feet.

“How you put on this gorgeous party for Colby. It really is lovely,” I gush. I grab her drink and draw it to my nose to smell it. “What are you drinking?”

“Grapefruit mimosa,” she answers with a wide, goofy smile.

I grab her hand and drag her back into the party, weaving our way through half-drunk country club socialites until we find my sister.

“Hi, Beautiful Ladies,” she calls to groups of women as we pass by with an inebriated twinkle in her eye. I don’t blame her. She and my father paid for this shindig. I’d be getting drunk if my wallet took a hit like this.

“Hey, Boozy Suzy,” I tell her. “We need to find Colby and get you a ride home.”

“Oh, James, relax,” she admonishes. “It’s just a little champagne.” Just then, Colby walks up with an expression that is half-concerned and half-amused.

“Mom, I love you so much for planning and putting this shower together, but you normally don’t drink like this. I think this might end badly for you,” she says.

“Perhaps,” Mom says with a silly smile, “but this feels nice.”

“Uh-huh,” I placate her. “So no more drinks, Mom-”

“I think I should send your father a nude. Isn’t that what you kids call it?” she laughs. I could actually keel over and die from secondhand embarrassment.

“OK, you’re done. I’m taking you home,” I tell her.