Page 30 of Reckless Love

Landon is delighted that Stephen is the guard spending the night with us. Rather than eating one of the frozen meals, Landon asks Stephen if he knows how to cook. When Stephen gives me a wry look and admits he does know how to cook, Landon asks whether they can cook together.

To my surprise, Stephen doesn’t even hesitate. He hauls over a kitchen chair for Landon to stand on, and the two of them make a stir fry while I read one of my newest romance novels on the couch. Every once in a while, Stephen consults the device he has propped in front of them that has all the house cameras streaming to it.

The book is upright in my hands, and it probably looks like I’m deeply absorbed, and I should be. I rarely get uninterrupted reading time when Landon is awake. But every fiber of my being is tuned to the movements and conversations happening in the kitchen. It’s like observing a version of my life that I didn’t know to want, couldn’t clearly see or understand, when I was younger. Heartache expands through my center.

I turn the book over on my lap, open, and I take in the mansion. Did I really need my company that badly? Has that success been worth what my life has turned into? Would I have been that unhappy without it?

“Is it a boring one?” Stephen calls over. “I don’t know if you heard, but DNFing is cool now.”

“DNFing has never been cool.” I pick my book up and try to figure out which passage I’ve been skim reading over and over for the last twenty minutes.

“I still say that life’s too short to spend time on things you don’t love,” he says.

“Mom loves her books,” Landon says. “And then she gives them to Auntie Ember in a big bag.” He makes a gesture like I’m carrying something heavy.

“I hear e-readers hold a lot more books than a plastic bag,” he says, the comment clearly intended for me.

“Books are like trophies. Ember gives them back to me when she’s done. They go on my shelves for me to admire. An accomplishment.”

“When we go to Aunt Ember’s, I have to play with Nova and Charlotte. Ivy’s just a baby, so she can’t do anything. It’s so boring playing with girls.”

“You know,” Stephen says, passing Landon a measuring spoon, “understanding how to play nicely with girls is an important skill. You learn cooperation and respect. The world isn’t always kind to women, and we don’t want to be the type of men who aren’t kind to women, do we?”

“No,” Landon agrees and then goes quiet for a beat. “What kind of men should we be?”

Landon pours soya sauce into the measuring spoon over the mixing bowl. He overfills the spoon, and some extra goes in, but Stephen doesn’t even flinch, just passes him the next ingredient and a new spoon.

“Good men listen, and they help if they can.”

“I like being good,” Landon says.

“Your Uncle Nate and your Uncle Gage are good men. I don’t know your Uncle Logan or Uncle Brice that well, but I’ve heard good things. If you’re ever not sure, ask them.”

I bring the book up higher to hide my face when tears well up, and my throat grows tight. So telling that he didn’t include Raul. Not that it’s a surprise. My husband isn’t a good man, even if he’s not a classically bad one.

At the time, marrying Raul was the sensible choice, and I’d made so many rash, irresponsible choices in my life that when my mother said I should marry him, I did. She said I could have everything I ever wanted with Raul, and I believed her. Honestly, I was at such a low point, I needed that push to make a sensible choice, the right choice.

Objectively, I did get everything I thought I wanted. Sometimes you don’t know what you’re missing, what you’re sacrificing, until you’re staring at another timeline, another life, superimposed over the one you picked.

Marrying Raul was a mistake, but I can’t even say it’s the biggest mistake I’ve made. That honor, I fear, goes to the man at the island with my son. To what I said to him the night he left.

I never should have let Stephen go.

After Stephen and Landon make dinner together, Stephen begs off any further interactions, telling Landon he has to do his security rounds and checks.

Landon and I stretch out on the couch, reading together until his bedtime. It’s been the most relaxing evening I can remember having in a long time.

When I come down the stairs from putting Landon to bed, Stephen is in the front foyer, scanning the cameras.

“Everything okay?” I ask.

“All clear so far,” he says.

While I waited for Landon to go to sleep, I made a plan, but I’m not sure how hard Stephen will try to thwart it. In the living room, I dig around in the games cupboard until I find the checkers and chess. Taking a chance, I bring the checkers board to the front foyer.

“Up for a game?” I ask.

Stephen eyes the box, and then he gives me a look that’s a mix of curiosity and suspicion. “Checkers? You play checkers?”