Page 189 of Securing the Pucking Rebound

She has to know me well enough by now to know I’ll be unable to leave it there.

Calvin: I’m so sorry I hurt you. It was never my intention.

I hesitate before hitting send. I don’t want to talk about this over message, but right now, it’s all I’ve got, and I’m going to give it my all. I need her to understand; I need her to forgive me. I need…I just need her. If I’m living my last few days in LA, then I’ll never forgive myself for spending them without her.

Finally, I hit that little triangle that sends my message straight to her.

It shows as read immediately.

My heart picks up speed, and my stomach knots—and it only gets tighter when she starts typing.

Sienna: Then, why did you?

Calvin: Because I was scared. I’m not that little boy anymore, and I was terrified that you’d be disappointed.

Being this open and vulnerable with her makes me nervous, but I know that I either need to embrace it, or I need to walk away. And the latter just isn’t an option.

Sienna: The only thing that’s disappointed me is you keeping this to yourself.

“Fucking hell.” I groan, feeling like a chastised child. How does the ‘I’m not angry, just disappointed’ line hit so hard, even as an adult?

Sienna: I’m also sorry that I didn’t recognize you. I promise, I never forgot you.

Calvin: I forgive you. A lot has changed in fifteen years.

Sienna: And yet some things are the same.

I stare at that message, trying to read between the lines. I want to believe that she means how she feels about me. About how easy our relationship is. But I don’t have any experience with relationships, and I’m aware that I could be very, very wrong.

Calvin: Like the way I feel about you. You blew me away back then, and you still do now. No one else has ever compared to you.

I hit send and then panic.

That really was too much.

Her reply doesn’t come as fast this time, and that only makes my anxiety spike more.

What happened to Play-It-Cool Killer, who never showed his sensitive side and always kept women at arm’s length?

Sienna happened.

Sienna: Now I know it’s you, a lot of things are starting to make sense.

Calvin: Like?

Play it cool, man.

Sienna: Like how spending time with you is as comfortable as being with an old friend.

“Fuck,” I breathe.

That’s a good sign, right?

Calvin: I’ve never wanted to spend time with anyone the way I do with you. I don’t even care what we’re doing. I just want to be near you.

Sienna: That’s a big statement for a man who usually only spends a few hours with a woman.

Regrets tumble through me.