Page 56 of Risking the Pucking Defense

“If you’ve changed your mind about shopping, we can cancel. I don’t mind,” she offers.

“No, no, I don’t want to cancel. I’ve just got a lot on my plate at the moment with the season starting and everything. I’m distracted, I’m sorry.” It’s not a lie. My to-do list for next week is out of control. But while I’d normally be fully in control, this year, I’m finding it increasingly hard to stop my mind from drifting.

At first, I was worried about Hayden and how he was dealing with everything: being back in LA, away from his family, and the support network he had in Oregon. I mean, I’m still worried, but there’s more to it now. After his little impromptu visit to my apartment yesterday, I can’t stop thinking about the way he looked at me, the way my skin tingled with his attention, and the butterflies that exploded within me whenever he said something even a little bit flirty. He was…so relaxed and so himself. Shamelessly checking me out and letting me know that he was interested, even if he knew he shouldn’t be. And I was…well, awkward. Being almost naked in front of a man…it was a bit of a shock to the system. I was already spiraling, and then when he told me to take my cover-up off…safe to say, I freaked out.

It was stupid, but my past trauma suddenly sat up and smacked me around the head. I told myself the day I left that I’d never allow myself to be ordered around by a man again. And I haven’t. Sure, it hasn’t been easy finding my feet in a male-dominated industry. I’ve had to grow a thick skin and develop a whole new persona.

Hailee Jefferson was weak. She allowed herself to be bossed around, used, and abused. But Hailee Caldwell…she’s fierce, independent, and doesn’t give a shit about what a man thinks of her. She’s unashamedly herself, and you can either get on board, or you can be left in my dust.

Watching men fall in line to respect my authority has been a life-changing experience. It’s allowed me to take back control, rebuild my shattered confidence, and discover who I really am.

“Tell me about it,” Bea asks, looking genuinely interested in what I’ve got going on right now. “I’m such a hockey novice, I want to know it all. Understand everything expected of Everett and the guys, of you, Parker, and Casey.”

I can’t help but smile. She’s got the excitement of a child attending their very first game.

Unable to deny her, I dive into what the lead-up to training camp and then training camp itself looks like. She soaks it all up as if she’s studying for an exam, and slowly my fears about spending time with someone who knows the truth about my past begin to fade. Bea isn’t like her family, or mine, or the one I was forced to marry into. She’s just…normal. Well, as normal as any of us are.

The conversation turns to her salon, and the second she begins telling me about building the business from the ground up, nothing but pride oozes from her. All the while she talks, I try to keep my hands hidden in my lap, because I know that one look at my nails and she’ll be dragging me down there for a refresh. They’re more than a little overdue—just another thing that’s fallen to the bottom of my list recently.

Once we’ve eaten our breakfast and the stores have opened for the day, we head out.

“Did you have anything in mind?” I ask as we enter a store, hit by a blast of cold air.

“Something that will fit my belly,” Bea jokes. “And that doesn’t cost a fortune.”

“I’m sure Rett’s good for it.”

“Don’t,” she warns. “Some of the things he bought for me and the little one are just ridiculous. Neither of us is going to get enough use out of them. And this dress is going to be for one night; it doesn’t need to be crazy expensive.”

“Something tells me this isn’t the first time you’ve said those words.”

“Was it that obvious?” She laughs as we browse. “What about you? Do you have a dress ready?”

“I have a few options,” I muse as I pick up a dress that is the exact shade of my bikini yesterday.

“Oh, that’s hot, and it would look insane on you,” Bea says, peeking over my shoulder.

I shake my head and put it back. Not only is it the same shade as my bikini, but despite being floor-length, it also looks like it wouldn’t cover much more. There are two high slits up each side, and I’m pretty sure it would expose way more side boob than any of my colleagues ever need to see.

Hayden would think it’s hot, a little voice says.

“Oh no,” Bea says when I place it back on the rack. “You are trying this on.”

My lips part to argue, but I get one look at the determination on her face and swallow the words. I didn’t realize it before, but pregnant women are terrifying. Way too many emotions that could explode at any moment.

I take it from her, draping the incredibly soft satin over my arm to stop it from dragging on the floor as we keep going.

Between us, we collect a handful of dresses before making our way to the dressing rooms.

“He was hot,” Bea says as we wait for the member of staff who’s busy with another customer.

“Who was?” I ask, unaware that there was a man in here at all, let alone a hot one.

Bea jerks her chin, and I turn around as discreetly as I can to scan the area.

“Yeah, I guess,” I muse when my eyes land on a guy, probably about my age, with dark hair, strong cheekbones, and a sharp jawline.

“You guess?” Bea balks. “He could easily be on the cover of GQ.”