Page 49 of Risking the Pucking Defense

Sure, I’ve been through some shit, but looking back now, I can’t help but feel like it was all worth it to end up here.

I have a life that is my own with no one looking over my shoulder, no one dictating my moves. I get to be my own boss and do the things that make my heart happy.

It wasn’t until I found the strength to walk away from my old life that I really appreciated just how bad it was.

I think back to that young girl who thought she was being handed everything she needed in life, and I want to laugh in her face. She had no idea how out of control she was. Everyone around her had planned everything. I didn’t even get to choose my own wedding dress, let alone the man, or where we’d live and what my life would be like.

It all looked good on the outside, though. To the rest of the world, I was living every woman’s dream life: married to an attractive man with more money than he could spend in a lifetime. Living in a house that was far too big and extravagant for two, with staff to do everything.

But that dream life isn’t all it’s cracked up to be. The man might have been attractive on the outside, but what was hidden beneath the surface? I shake my head, stopping myself from going there.

It’s hard to remember just how bad it got, how low I was. How he stripped away everything I knew of myself and molded me into the woman he wanted by his side.

I was never meant to be that woman. I could never be satisfied being a housewife, spending my days shopping and living the kind of life those around me wanted me to.

It works for others, and I’m sure they love every second of it. But it just wasn’t me. No matter how hard my parents pushed, how much my husband tried, I just couldn’t fit that mold.

And one day, clarity came, and I knew what I needed to do.

I also knew that it would be harder than anything I’d experienced up until that point.

No one walks away from the Jeffersons and lives to tell the tale.

Okay, that might be a little dramatic. But it’s true.

They’re this larger-than-life family, alongside the Walshes. But as Bea knows, it isn’t all sunshine and roses being connected to them.

Thoughts of the past dampen my mood a little, and I push my laptop open again and pick up where I left off.

I knew from a young age that I wanted to follow in my father’s footsteps. He’d worked in PR all his life, and he’s worked with some incredible people. But as a young girl, I had no idea that my parents had earmarked my brother as my father’s successor and completely overlooked me. I didn’t understand all of this until years later, when it became obvious that my role was to marry up and improve my father’s social status. After my brother died, the only positive I had in my life was that I could graduate and take on the role that he was going to get.

But it was never even an option.

I fought for it—fought hard—but it achieved nothing.

Dad employed someone else to fill the gap that Spencer left behind, and I was handed over to the Jeffersons as if I were no more than an unwanted family dog.

I rub at my chest as pain cuts through me. I wasn’t wanted back then. But now, I’ve found a place where I’m needed, and I fucking love it.

Beside me, my cell starts ringing, and when I see Jude’s name, I swipe the screen and lift it to my ear.

“Hey, is everything okay?”

He begins talking me through an idea he’s had for a social media campaign, and I sink deeper into my lounger and listen to him, offering up some suggestions when they hit me.

I startle when my apartment buzzer cuts through the air. Tucking my cell between my ear and shoulder, I climb to my feet and adjust my bikini as I make my way toward my front door. My cover-up catches my eye as I pass the island, but I quickly ignore it when the buzzer goes again. I want my peanut butter banana smoothie more than I care about flashing the concierge on shift.

With Jude still talking my ear off, I unlock the door, ready to pull it open, accept my delivery, and return to my suntrap to continue working on my tan, but my plan soon vanishes in a puff of smoke.

My cell slips from my shoulder and clatters to the floor as my chin drops in shock.

Hayden doesn’t look any less shocked, his eyes widening and a puff of air escaping him as his gaze drops to my body.

“Oh my god,” I mutter as a rush of heat rolls through me at the way he’s taking me in.

“I…uh…brought your suitcase and sandwiches and—” He holds up my smoothie. “Whatever this concoction is.”

“Oh my god,” I repeat as his eyes drop to my barely covered body again.