Page 5 of Risking the Pucking Defense

I shake my head, unable to believe that the person Hayden has shown us isn’t real. His zest for life, his passion and commitment to a sport he loves…that can’t be faked.

“I know you’re hurting right now,” I say, taking myself back to a time I try my hardest to forget and thinking about what I would have wanted to hear. “And you feel like the world has shifted under your feet. But I promise you: your friends will be there for you. They will want to support you, and they won’t care about a few little lies you told to protect yourself.

“Despite everything you’re going through right now, you turned up today. That alone shows me that what you just said isn’t true. The person we’ve come to know over the past year is very much you, Hayden. While it might take you some time to find him again, we all know that he’s still there.”

He releases a shaky breath.

“How?” he whispers.

I stare at him, wondering which bit he’s questioning.

“How do I find him again?” he clarifies.

“Time,” I say unhelpfully. “I know that isn’t the answer you want. But it’s all I’ve got.”

He stumbles back and drops onto the bed, his head in his hands.

“I don’t want time. I don’t want to keep moving forward, knowing that she’s not here.”

His words cut right through my chest, and it takes every ounce of strength I possess not to burst into tears again.

He doesn’t need me to break down right alongside him. He needs strength, and usually, that’s exactly what players get from me.

If they want softness, they go elsewhere. With me, they get the hard and sometimes painful truth.

“We can’t fix what has happened. We can’t rewind the clock and try to figure out a different outcome, no matter how much we might pray for it. All we can do is try to find a way forward, to fight to live a life they’ll be proud of.”

His head lifts suddenly, his gaze finding mine.

He doesn’t say anything, but I dread to think what he can read in my eyes.

Lock it down, Caldwell.

Lock it the fuck down.

“What would your sister want, Hayden?”

I met her a couple of times over the past year. She was a sweet, quietly spoken girl. And she looked at Hayden as if he were the most important person in her world.

They might have been the same age, but there was no doubt that she looked up to him as her protective big brother.

Only, it seems he wasn’t able to protect her from everything.

“She’d want—” His words turn into a sob. “She’d want me to be downstairs celebrating my friends’ wedding. She’d want me to be getting drunk and embarrassing myself on the dance floor while laughing until my belly hurt.”

I nod, his words confirming what I already knew.

“I’m not going to tell you what to do, Hayden. This is your journey, your grief. But I want you to think about what she’d say if she were here right now.”

He sniffles, a tear spilling down his cheek.

I feel like an asshole for making him cry again. But I don’t regret the words that push him over the edge.

“She might not be here physically anymore, but she’ll always be with you, and there is no chance that she wants you missing out on anything. Regrets last a lifetime, Hayden. The important events in our lives can’t be redone, and time never stops, no matter how much we might wish it would.”

His shoulders slump, and he curls forward once more.

“If you need anything, I’ve got my cell. I know it’s easier said than done, but everyone downstairs wants you with them today. If you can find the strength to show your face, they’ll show you exactly how much they’re missing you.”