Page 146 of Risking the Pucking Defense

“Yeah. It’s been a journey, that’s for sure. She missed out on so much.”

“Maybe, but something tells me that you and your parents also gave her so many other things.”

“We did our best,” he says quietly. “She managed to graduate with me despite spending most of junior and senior year of high school doing everything online. She even managed two hours of prom before I had to take her home to rest.

“She was desperate to go to college. For a while, we thought it might even happen. She got the all-clear, and she planned to have a year off before applying and restarting her life. She wanted to be a pediatrician and help kids like those who helped her.” Hayden’s voice cracks, and I squeeze his hand tighter in support.

“She’d have been so good at it. She was so kind, so patient. I just wish she got the chance to get close.”

“She didn’t even get to start at college?”

“She got the place. But she knew something wasn’t right. The doctors said she was in remission, but she wasn’t. It just took them a while to find it. Maybe if they’d listened to her, done more tests sooner, she’d still be here.”

I glance over and see nothing but pain in his eyes.

“I know this doesn’t help right now, but⁠—”

“Everything happens for a reason?” he asks with a quiet laugh.

“Yeah. I wish I could say something more useful, more comforting.”

Releasing my hand, he wraps his arm around my shoulder. “There isn’t anything. And I know you understand.”

“My brother died in a car accident,” I blurt, finally giving him some of my story.

“Shit.”

“I was driving.”

Hayden stops walking the second those three words fall from my lips.

He turns to look at me. The pain is still there, but this time, it isn’t just for him; it’s for me, too.

I hate myself for putting it there. He’s already suffering enough.

“I’d only passed my test a few weeks earlier,” I explain. “I wanted him to drive, but he insisted that I needed the practice.” I let out a shaky breath. “Maybe if he had, we’d have gone through the intersection sooner and the drunk driver wouldn’t have hit us. Maybe if I didn’t hesitate at the intersection before⁠—”

“Stop,” he begs, tears filling his eyes just like they are mine.

“It was my fault,” I whisper, still feeling the heavy weight of the guilt I’ve carried around since that day.

“No, that’s not true. You said it was a drunk driver. It was his fault.”

“He walked away. Not a scratch on him.”

“That’s fucked up.”

“I wouldn’t ever wish anyone dead, but…” I let my words trail off, because they don’t need saying.

“Yeah,” he agrees. “Life is really fucking unfair.”

“You’re telling me. I lost everything that day. Spencer wasn’t just my brother; he was my best friend.”

A choked sob erupts from Hayden, his understanding wrapping around me like a warm blanket.

“Without him, my life went to shit. Everything I was trying to ignore was suddenly all I could see.”

“What do you mean?” he asks, after trying to swallow down his emotions.