Page 23 of The Coldest: Stay Dangerous Part 2

“Fucking dick,” I spit, closing it and dropping it next to me. Of course it wouldn’t be that easy, but a girl can dream.

I gotta get the fuck out of here.

I pick up the notebooks and flip through them. A piece of paper and a couple pens fall out of them, but otherwise, they’re empty.

Unfolding the piece of paper, I scoff as I read it.

There’s producing and recording software on the laptop, as well as that dumb ass simulation game you like.

Make some music. Write down some lyrics. Or journal your feelings, or how much of a fuck up you are.

No wifi, and no internet. No one is coming to get you. If you’re still bored, kill yourself. Make my job easier.

-Rico

I snatch the pen and go to the first page of the comp book, and let it fucking rip.

“Here’s some journaled feelings, for that ass,” I grit, writing shit as nasty as the shot I had to get in my ass because of this nigga.

Once half a page is full, my hand cramps, so I close the notebook. I admit, I do feel a little better.

Maybe I will start journaling my feelings.

There are five cameras that I know of in this room. Four in the sitting room closest to the door that stays locked.

Three in the bathroom.

He’s been watching me for I don’t know how long. Every tear. Every haphazard beat I’ve tried and failed to make on this outdated software. Every shower. Every shit.

I thought writing out how I feel about this gross invasion of privacy would stop my hands from shaking, but even now, with them pressed by my butt into the mattress, they’re still vibrating.

I stare into the small red light by the ceiling fan. Now that I know it’s there, I can’t miss it.

He’s probably watching me now. Wondering what’s going on in this head of mine.

His love for Auty is undeniable. Only she could have him holding me hostage, getting me clean so I can clearly hear her tear me down. I can be coherent when I’m begging for forgiveness I’ll never get. That I may not even deserve.

Rico once told me he wishes he put me down all those years ago. There’s no other reason why he’d have me under the same roof as his family, except to appease his precious Haze.

Envy burns through my veins, and for once, I don’t tamper it down. I once accused Auty of fucking him or Fredo, but no. Their love is created from pain and trauma. No sex needed for his undying loyalty.

Fuck them.

Mad bitches really link up. I don’t care what they say.

They’re only doing this because they don’t see me as a real threat. No, I’m not gang gang like Haze. I hated every second of using Pops’ rifles out in the woods. And most of the fights I’ve had have really just been hair pulling and scrapping.

No, they believe I’m more of a threat to myself than others. And I guess they’re right.

Or they were.

Now, I have all this anger and nowhere for it to go. I probably could kill someone right now. Mom. Dad.

Auty.

Rico.

My lips twitch at the thought. Sending Rico to Hell for eternity, forever separated from Fredo, who is for sure in Heaven somewhere. Me being the one to end him. How insane would that be?