Page 38 of Now and Then

I ease onto the highway, heading in the opposite direction as Hunter.

I would have stayed all day—mapping out cabinets and paint colors and a future neither of us is pretending not to see—but I’ve had enough emotional revelations for one afternoon.

And tomorrow at girls night, when Navy and Greer ask questions, it isn’t going to be easy.

Just after four o’clock the next afternoon, I get off work and head to Mom’s house. After Dad died, I moved back in with Mom. It’s been the best thing for us. When I step through the garage door, I’m expecting her to be prepping dinner, but the house is oddly silent. I drop my bags beside the kitchen island, and a note catches my eye.

Decided to change things up and go out with my girls tonight too. Have fun. Love, Mom.

“Change things up?” I say out loud. “Did I miss a memo or something?”

I slip off my heels, pad upstairs to my room, and place them in a clear container along the wall of my closet. I shower quickly, letting the warm water wash my feelings of doubt and uncertainty down the drain. I pull on my favorite pair of sweats and sweatshirt, not bothering to reapply any makeup.

My eyes are bright, a bit wild even. A rosy flush colors my freckled cheeks. If I’m not careful, I might float away, suddenly untethered from my carefully curated life.

It’s tempting, the need to bury down these feelings of what if, but I ignore the urge and welcome them instead. I’ve tried to keep my life and emotions locked down, only allowing people to see the collected version of myself. It was a fool’s wish to think I could keep it up forever. And honestly, I’ve never been capable of hiding my true emotions from Hunter. Sometimes, I think he knows me better than I know myself.

Just think about trying to be an us.

I roll my eyes again at his words, having thought of nothing else the last twenty-four hours.

Releasing a sigh, I grab my overnight bag and head out. The streetlights pop on as I drive across town to Greer’s house for our sleepover.

I never envisioned myself as an adult woman having a sleepover, but neither Greer, Navy, nor I grew up with a close group of girlfriends, so it’s something we never got to experience. We’re making up for lost time.

As I pull into Greer’s driveway, the disparity between her house and my brother’s next door drags a snicker from me. His is dark and looks vacant, but Greer’s is decked out in all manner of Halloween decor. Since I was last here, she’s added a giant black spider crawling down the eave of her house. When I first met Greer, she was tucked so far away from the world, it’s hard to believe she’s the one who suggested hosting a Halloween party this year. Luke jumped at the chance to assist her. Granted, he’d do anything for her.

As I walk up the entryway, I spot her and Navy working side by side at the island through the open blinds. I stop dead in my tracks, my shoulders tightening while I watch them. I know it’s far past time to tell them my story, but that doesn’t make the prospect of ripping open my scars any less terrifying.

“You can do this, Sutton,” I say as I shake out my arms.

I rap my knuckles on the door. The seconds feel like minutes, but no one answers. I knock louder. Hushed whispers sound through the door.

“I can hear you two whispering.” I purse my lips, meeting their gaze through the peephole I know they’re most likely fighting over.

The door flies open, revealing Greer’s relieved face. “Geez, Sutton, you scared us.”

“Why are you knocking?” Navy’s brows pinch together.

Stepping between them, bag in tow, I’m immediately enveloped by warmth from the oven and a sweet, sugary scent in the air that has my worries melting away. These women are my best friends, and no matter what I tell them, it’ll be okay.

I smile. “Pretty sure knocking is standard practice.”

“Not for us.” Navy bumps me with her hip as she walks around me toward the kitchen.

“Navy’s right.” Greer giggles.

“Sorry, I’m just distracted.” I motion to the mess on the island—racks of cooling sugar cookies and bowls of variously colored icing. “Are you baking enough for the whole town?”

“Nope,” Greer says, “only enough for my class.”

“That’s right.” I clap my hands together, remembering Greer’s newest classroom unit. She doesn’t do half measures and has been pouring her heart into Halloween-themed lessons, science projects, and even an author visit for her second graders.

“Hard to believe it’s already October,” I muse, setting my bag down. “Seems like time is flying by these days.”

“The ’ber months tend to do that,” Greer says, eyes focused on the scary movie they’ve been watching.

“I suppose I better figure out a costume,” I say, “since your party is coming up. What are you girls going to be?”