Page 134 of Now and Then

Just like Brandon. Just like the baby. Just like Dad.

But if Hunter’s shown me anything this year, especially these last few months, it’s that my attempt to control everything isn’t really control at all, but avoiding what would truly make me happy. Letting go doesn’t bring chaos. It makes room for the good things Life has to offer.

Grace raises a brow like she wants to dig for more information, but before she can, Navy swoops in and throws an arm around my shoulder.

“Speaking of happy,” Navy says. “You’re looking especially glowy tonight, Grace.”

Grace’s eyes widen, and she tucks her lips between her teeth, trying to contain a smile. Just as she’s about to say something, Vinnie comes bounding into the kitchen.

“Where’s Hunter?” He shoves a handful of muddy buddies into his mouth.

“Unlike you boys,” I say, “who can handle late nights full of heart-pumping adrenaline, Hunter isn’t used to that much action. He was dead to the world when I got over there after my meeting with the caterer, so I left him to sleep. No one wants to be around that man when he’s tired-grumpy.”

Vinnie nods and heads back to the couch. Adam and Luke queue up the original animated How the Grinch Stole Christmas movie. Where is Hunter? He should be here by now. I was hoping he’d at least watch this version of the Grinch.

I pull my phone halfway from my pocket, considering calling him, but I shove it back down. Tonight isn’t about worry. He’ll be here soon.

“My god,” Navy says, looking me up and down. “Now you’re all glowy.”

“I am not glowing,” I say, and throw my attention to Grace. “But she definitely is.”

There’s no denying Grace’s reaction this time as a smile blooms across her face. “If I’m glowing, that means I’m hiding the nausea well.”

Greer and Navy squeal.

“I knew it!” Greer shouts. “You owe me twenty bucks.” She gestures at Navy to pay up.

It only takes Grace to settle her hand protectively over her stomach for everything to click into place.

“Adam and I are pregnant.”

Each word hits me square in the chest.

She looks past my shoulder to Adam sitting on the couch. His smile equals hers. Both Luke and Vinnie clap him on the shoulder and offer up their congratulations. Greer and Navy surround Grace in a hug and devolve into laughter and high-pitched jabbering.

I remain rooted to the floor. Hands sticky. Pulse fluttering.

Luke bumps my hip. “You okay, sis?”

“I’m good,” I say softly as warmth creeps up my neck.

Vinnie turns up the movie volume, and I’m grateful for the distraction. Conversation splits into a dozen different directions at once.

It’s not like Grace’s pregnancy is unexpected news. They’ve been trying for over a year to get pregnant. And if anyone deserves this, it’s the two of them. But there’s still that tiny corner of my heart filled with jealousy because I never got to have a moment like this.

I swallow past the lump in my throat and smile, thinking of Hunter. Someday, I’ll get to have a moment like this, but right now, this is Grace’s.

Laughter and the scent of pine and cinnamon wind through the room. I let myself sink back and breathe it all in. As everyone gathers around the kitchen table to hear Greer’s mile-long list of rules for the gingerbread house competition, I wrap my arms around Grace and rest my chin on her shoulder. “I’m really happy for you,” I whisper.

When she rests her hands over mine, the thread of jealousy and sadness flies away. “I know you are,” she says. I can hear the smile in her voice.

Before I know it, we’re gathered around the table, armed with gumdrops and icing bags, building gingerbread houses. Almost immediately after starting, Luke and Adam escape to reload on snacks and put on the next movie, each leaving behind a sort of lean-to structure with sprinkles thrown on for good measure.

“You know,” Navy says, grabbing another gingerbread cookie and biting its head off, “I like this version of Sutton.”

“This version?” I squirt a line of icing down one edge and press it to the adjoining wall. “Are there other versions of me I’m unaware of?”

“Yes,” Navy, Greer, Grace, and Vinnie chorus.