Page 114 of Between the Lines

“The house looks great,” Penny starts, but I can’t tell if she’s being sarcastic or not.

My fingers curl around the arm rests. “Yeah, it does,” I finally say with a sigh.

It does look great, which only makes the concoction of emotions swirling about Caden inside my stomach that much more complicated.

Penny crosses her legs, sighing dramatically.

“I just don’t get it—we tell each other everything. We’ve seen each other at our best and our worst. Why didn’t you come to me when this shit started happening?”

There it is.

I pull my knees into my chest, scooting the tiny chair to face my sister. “Penny, come on. We both know how you would’ve reacted.”

Uncomfortable silence stretches between us as Penny taps her nails on the back of her phone.

“Okay, fine.” She breaks the silence with a flustered breath. “I know I can be slightly controlling about things . . .”

I stare at her, blinking rapidly.

“Come again? Are you saying perhaps you understand why I didn’t want to tell you?”

Penny twirls the stack of gold bracelets on her wrist.

“Maybe,” she says through a clenched jaw.

Then she glances up sheepishly. “I made Nan a promise to watch out for you, and I just want to keep you and Daisy safe, but I know I’m a lot.”

Tears well in my eyes and my throat tightens as I lean forward.

“What if I don’t need that, though? What if I just need my sister?”

Penny lifts her fingers, and I look at the big blue house behind us.

Slowly the words I want to say untangle in my mind. “I know you think that I live a messy life, that I’m floating untethered, but I need to figure things out on my own. I want that chance.” I pause, locking gazes with my sister. “I am so grateful for you, for Jesse, for Danny. I know you all have my back, but you guys have to let me breathe.”

Penny’s amber eyes are heavy with unshed tears. She leans her head back, face tipped towards the blue sky, to stave them off. She hates crying—but she is a Hanson woman after all, and unfortunately we wear our emotions on our sleeves.

“Dammit . . . you’re right.” She shakes her head slowly. “All this time, I thought this house was holding you back, but maybe I had it wrong. Maybe you’re just fine.” She sniffles. “I’m sorry I’ve pushed you so much lately.”

I chew my lip, struggling to find the right words.

“Clearly,” she says with a sigh, “this is supposed to be your home, if you went through all the trouble to fix it. I’m just sorry I made you feel like you had to hide it. That’s my fault.”

I put both my feet down, needing to feel the ground beneath me.

“This house is important to me . . . but I realized something these last few weeks.” I inhale, tracing the cracks in the patio with my eyes. “I was holding on to something, something I don’t know if I can name yet. I thought this house was what would make me happy, make me feel successful and fulfilled, make me feel like a good mom . . . but now I’m not so sure I was right.”

I shrug, knotting up my graphic tee in my fingers, continuing, “I missed you all so much. It killed me to keep this all from everyone. But there were also a lot of happy moments in the last few weeks.” I choke on the last words, and Penny extends her arm.

I grab her hand without looking at it and she squeezes.

“I missed you too.” She fans her face, composing herself. “I promise you I’m done, forever, with asking you to sell the house. You’re so much stronger than I was at your age . . . I’ll never stop looking out for you and Daisy, but I’m going to back off. I trust you. I know you’ll do what’s right for you. But promise me, no more secrets.”

We both stand and I pull her into a hug. My oversized shirt kisses the top of my thighs as she squeezes me tightly.

“Thank you, Pen,” I whisper. “And I promise, no more secrets.”

The back door opens, and Jesse pops his head out, a small grin forming on his lips when he sees us embracing. “Everything’s unloaded. I’m going to head back to work.”