Page 108 of Between the Lines

“Of course I’m going to show.” He drops the helmet on the nearby picnic table, which is full of my stuff. A soft cooler with lunch, a diaper bag, the stroller, even a book. I left the guesthouse this morning, and I don’t want to go back.

Though I know eventually I have to. Eventually I have to face everything.

“Hey, baby cakes.” Jesse smiles at Daisy. She swings gently back and forth as I push her.

“How is Penny?” I ask hesitantly, avoiding looking at him.

He shoves his hands in the pockets of his black jean shorts.

“She’s hurt—she doesn’t understand why you hid everything from her.”

I bite my lip, hard. “Is she mad at you too? I am so sorry I asked you to keep it from her.”

Jesse shakes his head. “She wasn’t happy . . . but we’ll be okay.”

“I didn’t mean to drag everyone into my storm,” I reply and continue to push the swing, but my eyes begin to burn.

“Don’t beat yourself up,” Jesse replies, and I cast my eyes down, suppressing a sniffle.

“You know I never meant to hurt Penny, I only wanted to show her what I was capable of.” I feel like a broken record, desperate for someone to understand me. “I just need a sister, not a mom,” I whisper. “You should’ve seen the way she looked at me . . .”

He doesn’t respond, not right away. Jesse’s calculated, the calm to my sister’s storm. He shifts, stretching his arms out to rest on the swing poles.

“I can’t speak for her, but I know she loves you. A lot.” He shrugs. “Sometimes love comes out in different ways. Sometimes it’s too much, or comes out wrong, but the intentions are there.”

His words sink in, twisting my guts. He could be talking about Caden with those words too.

“I don’t even know what to say to her, or where to start. On top of lying to her for weeks, she also thinks I’m an idiot for trusting Caden.”

Jesse steps forward so we’re squared off. “Why would she think that?” he asks, eyes narrowed.

I pause to think about what to say next, because it’s going to have consequences.

But I’m done lying—to my family, and to myself.

“Caden and I had a bit of an argument." I swallow hard and shrug one shoulder.

Jesse frowns. “Did he hurt you?”

Fire dances in his green irises, and I shake my head. “No, no, nothing like that. He just . . . He hid things from me, things he didn’t think were a big deal, but to me they were.” I sigh, rubbing my temple, feeling an impending headache.

Every time I think about the situation with Caden, with the house, with the loan, all of it . . . it’s messy. My heart and my head are in battle, and I’m exhausted from playing referee.

Then add in my sister being mad at me, and it’s too much.

Daisy grips the rubber seat, rocking back and forth, and I flash a little smile at her.

Jesse leans down, searching for my eyes. “What’s going through your head?”

I wish I had a simple answer, but I don’t.

I groan and run my hands down my face. “I don’t know . . . It’s like I don’t know what strings to start untangling first, and the more I think about it, the more I just freeze.”

I hate how helpless I feel.

Daisy starts to squirm in the swing, so I pull her out and we all walk towards the picnic table, where I strap her into her stroller and give her water and a snack.

“Can I ask you for a favor?” I look at Jesse. He sits at the table, legs spread out long in front of him.