Page 77 of House of Crimson Cloak and Silver Teeth

“You care about me,” he says softly.

My heart stops. What?

“You care about me,” he says again. The smile widens as if he’s just solved a puzzle that’s been bothering him. “That’s why you’re so angry and have been giving me the silent treatment all day.”

I don’t fucking care about him.

He leans forward slightly, his eyes bright in the firelight. “If you didn’t care, you’d just tolerate whatever I did like any other Grimsbane. Your contract is nearly over. But instead you’re furious. You’re hurt.”

I can’t breathe around what he’s saying.

“Oh Wolf, you don’t just care about me, do you?” He sounds fucking thrilled and triumphant about it. “You want me.”

Shock freezes me for half a second. Then fury takes over, burning through my chest.

“I’m not into guys.”

I throw the words like knives. They’re designed to hurt and to make him stop looking at me like that.

Silence crashes down between us.

Garrett’s smile dies completely. I watch the light dim in his eyes.

“Oh,” he says quietly.

I should feel victorious. I found the weak spot, drove the knife in and made him stop. Instead I just feel sick. He looks down at the ruined board, at the smoking king in the coals. “I guess I thought wrong. That’s on me. I’ll—”

He reaches and plucks the dark king out of the fire with his bare fingers. I watch silently as he collects the pieces one by one, setting them aside on the animal hide.

Guilt twists in my gut. I can’t stay here any longer.

I grab my water skin and walk away. The trail leads toward the river. Garrett calls my name but I don’t stop. I keep pushing into the forest without looking back. Water sounds ahead, constant rushing over rock. I follow it through the trees until I stumble onto a narrow beach. The river cuts past, swift and loud.

I drop to one knee at the water’s edge and unscrew the water skin, plunging it beneath the current. Bubbles stream upward as it fills. The cold bites at my fingers but I barely feel it.

You care about me.

His words won’t leave my head.

Caring gets you killed in my world or worse sent to the crypts. I learned that watching Shade’s mother rot below Tiamat for the crime of loving someone. But my hands are shaking.

If I don’t care, why did his smile gut me?

I splash water on my face. It doesn’t help.

The truth is, I do care.

I care that he’s tearing himself apart. Garrett had everything, family, safety, love. I don’t understand why he would risk them for revenge. Fury flares viciously behind my ribs.

The other truth claws at me.

I’m not into guys.

It’s the truth. But I do want Garrett. I’ve jerked off to thoughts of him more times than I can count. I dream about his hands, his mouth, his body pinning me down. The nights we’ve spent curled together, I’ve wanted more.

But wanting him means caring about him. Caring for people is the fastest way to end up broken. The Guild taught me to be a blade, sharp, useful and empty. I never learned how to be anything else.

I’ve never learned how to want something for myself instead of just surviving. Now I do want. I want Garrett so badly it feels like being burnt alive.