Page 100 of Tumbling Hearts

“Well, at least she does have her own career,” Mick says, making Ray turn his head toward him. “That way she’s not relying on you for anything, and can go off on her own.”

“I suppose so.” Their father adjusts his tie. “But the point still stands. If you want to ever have a family of your own, Raymond, you need to pull yourself together. This band of yours might make you a lot of money, but I’m afraid it’s twisting your morals. You’ll never find a wife if you keep being degenerate like this.”

Well, maybe I don’t want a wife then, huh? Ray wants to say, but he can’t muster up the courage. While he feels bad for Carol, he’s also relieved that he’s not tied to a lady anymore. He loves women, of course, being attracted to them, enjoying their company, and obviously sex. But being committed to one is the last thing on his mind right now. No, there’s only one person he wants to commit to in any way, shape, or form.

Gene.

But it’s ludicrous to imagine being married to Gene. It’s not even legal for two men to marry. He couldn’t even have him as a boyfriend if he wanted to, not just because of Toshiko, but because of their fame. It’s not like how Maurice can be with his own boyfriend, Kenneth. Maurice is only a photographer. His face isn’t being shown in magazines, billboards, television. Maurice isn’t the one performing up there on stage with thousands and thousands of fans watching him, their records being sold internationally. That’s not to say that Ray doesn’t enjoy the perks of fame—he adores singing in front of the large crowds—but there are downsides, too. It’s like that Rolling Stones song: you can’t always get what you want.

Wait—was I honestly thinking of getting married to Gene?

Ray’s cheeks heat up, hoping nobody at the table notices.

“I’ll figure something out,” Ray tells his parents. “I like being a rockstar. I like traveling, I like singing. It’s made me the happiest I’ve ever been. Maybe I shouldn’t have been with Carol, but she’ll be alright. Just a… another door opened for both of us, I guess.”

“Sometimes I forget how young you are, still,” his mom says, biting her red lower lip. “With your career, you’ve already been doing so much. But you have a lot of life left to live. Something will come your way. I just hope when it does, you won’t take a good thing for granted.”

“I don’t want to,” Ray says, looking across the table at her. “I guess… we’ll just wait and see.”

She’s right—he is still young. He’s only twenty-three. There’s so much more for him to do. So many more songs to sing, records to record, cities to tour. And no matter what their relationship is, he wants to do it all with Gene by his side.

“Well, I don’t want to keep talking about such distressing things,” his father says, picking up his fork again. “How about we just eat, alright? And enjoy this delicious meal.”

“Yeah, I agree,” Ray says. The rest of them nod, and they continue on, finishing their Thanksgiving dinner.

A while later, Ray heads to his brother’s room to hang out. Mick still technically lives at home when not at school, so his room has been left untouched for the most part. Ray’s old room, on the other hand, has been mostly gutted and turned into a guest room, as all his important stuff has been moved to his place with the Brooms in Lake Orion. A wave of nostalgia hits him as he enters Mick’s room—posters of the bands they know and love are still plastered all over the walls. The Rolling Stones, the Beatles, the Doors, and many more.

Mick puts on a record as the two brothers catch up. Mick has been doing well in his computer science classes, blowing Ray away. He’s already almost halfway through his junior year at University of Michigan, and has high hopes he’ll find a job in his field, albeit he may have to move. Unfortunately most computing jobs are either in California or the East Coast. But even if Mick does have to move, Ray travels often enough with the band all across the country, so he’d always be able to visit.

“Enough about school. Anything exciting happening in your love life? Since mine obviously isn’t going so great,” Ray asks with a smirk, sitting next to Mick on the bed. Mick is a little shorter than him, but not by much. They have the same dusty blond hair, too, albeit Ray’s is longer. Ray has been letting it grow out a bit, about the same length as Gene’s now.

“Oh, uh… well, I’m not in a relationship, if that’s what you mean,” Mick says. If Ray didn’t know any better, it looks like there’s… blush on Mick’s cheeks.

“Well, even if it’s not an official relationship, has something happened?”

Mick adjusts his glasses. “Uh… yeah, actually. I… made some friends. And I’ve known them for a while now, but some stuff happened with them, and in turn it made me… realize something about myself.”

“Mick, you’re speaking way too vaguely for my own liking. What do you mean?”

“Ah, uh…” Mick stutters, biting his lower lip, fidgeting with his hands in his lap. “So, my friend, who’s also now my roommate this year. When I first met him, he had a girlfriend. But they broke up, and then he met someone else. And… now he has a boyfriend.”

“A boyfriend, huh?” Ray raises his brows. “Okay. Well, what’s that got do to with you?”

“It made me realize… uh, something about myself. You know I was never into dating or girls in high school, right?”

“And I figured that was just because you were an awkward nerd.”

Mick laughs. “Yeah, that’s still true. But there’s more to it. I realized that, if my friend could date a guy, maybe I could, too. I’ve never been into girls because… I’m gay.”

Ray’s jaw hangs open. “Really? You’re gay?”

“Yeah. And I’m pretty sure of it, too.” Mick fidgets with his thumbs in his lap some more. “Oh, you aren’t gonna make fun of me for that, are you?”

“What? Oh no, no, I never would. I’ll make fun of you for other things, but never about that.” Ray puts his hand on Mick’s shoulder, reassuring him. That gets Mick to smile. “Have you told Mom and Dad yet?”

“No. I’m honestly a little afraid to. You just saw how they were. They mean well, but it seems like, at least for you, they’re expecting you to start a family. With me, if I end up dating a guy, that’s basically impossible.”

“Yeah, I get that.” That expectation put on him, imbued in him subconsciously or not, is one of the reasons Ray denied his attraction to Gene so strongly in the beginning. He can’t marry Gene, he can’t start a family with Gene—why even entertain the idea of getting together with him at all?