Page 80 of Tumbling Hearts

Gene scoffs. “Okay, fine. But still—now your own girlfriend knows you cheated on her. With me. What, are you guys broken up now?”

“Um…” He pulls his hand off Gene, back to rubbing his elbow. “No, not technically. But things aren’t looking good.”

Gene shakes his head again, the lump in his throat forming thorns. “This is ridiculous. After everything, we still get fucking caught. And she’s basically giving you a second chance?”

“Yeah. I don’t know, Gene, maybe as long as she’s quiet about it all, it’s okay? But I…”

“You don’t love her, do you?” The words come out aggressively—he’d hate for Ray to answer ‘yes’.

But thankfully, Ray shakes his head. “No. I don’t. But what about you, Gene? You’re with Toshiko—you cheated on her with me. Do you love her?”

Gene’s heart skips a beat.

His breath hitches.

He hangs his jaw wide open, staring at his best friend.

“You get it, don’t you?” Ray pleads. “Sure, now Carol knows there’s something going on between us. But are you going to tell Toshiko? What about you and her?”

It embarrasses Gene to admit it, but honestly, he completely forgot about Toshiko. She didn’t once enter his mind ever since they started this tour. No, his mind has been nothing but Ray, Ray, Ray. Longing for Ray, wishing he could always be by his side, and feeling jealous of Carol getting to have him. No one had mentioned Toshiko to him during the tour until right this very moment. Gene doesn’t even usually bother to read magazines where they might mention their relationship. Since Toshiko wasn’t here, she was forgotten.

And now, his heart sinks into his stomach.

“I don’t know,” is all he can say to answer Ray’s questions. He looks down at the floor, down at their feet.

“Gene?” Ray asks. He puts his hand on Gene’s arm again.

“I don’t know, man. Fuck.” A pressure rises in his skull, pushing against his eyes. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t be so mad at you. Because who I really should be mad at is myself.”

“Hey, Gene, I’m sorry, too. I’m sorry this got out of hand, but I think we can still make it out of this okay⁠—”

“Really?” He looks up, into Ray’s beautiful blue eyes. “I cheated on my girlfriend. And you also did with Carol, but Ray, I don’t know what to fucking do. Carol knows now, but I’m so afraid of Toshiko finding out—I don’t want to ruin the band, because I need this band. I need to make music, I need the Brooms, I need to sing with you, I need you so fucking badly⁠—”

He can’t ramble any longer as Ray shuts him up, embracing him tightly and pressing their lips together.

Gene returns the hug, wrapping his arms around Ray as tenderly as he can, tears spilling from his eyes as he closes them. This kiss is everything he needs. After being told that—he needs Ray’s comfort, his support, his care. Maybe Ray is right, and things will work themselves out. Gene can’t be sure, but he feels more confident when Ray is right here with him, kissing him so passionately.

Gene threads his fingers through Ray’s curly blond hair. He wants to hold onto him forever, but eventually they part, gasping for air.

“There’s one more thing I have to tell you,” Ray says, and Gene tenses, tightening his grip in Ray’s hair. “It’s okay, though. This one I don’t think is bad.”

“Really? Well, what is it?” he asks cautiously.

“Santi knows about us, too.”

“Oh… well, alright.” He shrugs, the pressure in his chest loosening slightly, yet his eyes are still teary.

“You’re not upset?”

“No, not at that.” He moves his hands to Ray’s shoulders. That explains why Santi smiled at us after talking with Carol. “I had a feeling that Santi was catching on, anyway.”

“Yeah. He told me he was.” Ray nods. “When Carol found out about everything, she stormed out of my room, and Santi noticed. So he came into my room and asked me what was the matter… and I told him what happened.”

“That’s fine. I would’ve done the same thing. Santi’s a good guy.”

“You can say that again.” Ray huffs a chuckle, his eyes looking like they’re tearing up as well. Despite the tension, Gene is happy to see Ray smile, even if just a little.

Usually when Gene and Ray are left alone like this, they don’t hesitate to rip each other’s clothes off. But there’s still a knot of uncertainty in Gene’s stomach, twisting around, reaching up and poking through his throat. He wants Ray, yet now he’s reminded of someone who holds him back: Toshiko. She may not be physically here, but just thinking about her causes that knot to form more thorns.