Page 68 of Tumbling Hearts

Ray blinks. His mind spins again. His heart beats frantically. Thud, thud, thud. “You… were already wondering if I liked Gene that way?”

“Well, all the clues lined up!” She looks at him, brows still furrowed, making uncomfortable eye contact. “But I didn’t know for sure if you… actually liked guys at all that way. So I couldn’t ever be sure. I wondered if maybe there was something wrong with how I was seeing it, versus what was actually happening…”

“Babe, like I said, nothing is actually happening between me and Gene. I promise you when I say that. I’m feeling kinda drunk, y’know, and some of my personal thoughts just… slipped out.” He chuckles again, lifting his hand to itch the back of his head.

She pouts, like she’s tossing Ray’s words around in her head, digesting it all. Honestly, he’s just glad she seems to be taking it all rather well, all things considered. Sure, she did yell at him at first, but at least she’s not throwing her pillow at him and barging out of the room in a fury. Is it because this time, it’s about Gene specifically? And not another woman? Or maybe she’s just feeling drunk as well…

“You know, I can see the appeal in Gene,” she eventually says, with a shrug. “I was drawn to him too, y’know, when I first started traveling with you guys. I don’t need to reiterate what happened.”

“Yeah. Of course.” He can never forget how when they’d first met, she had her sights set on Gene.

“I wonder…” She puts a finger on her chin. “I have an idea. If you’re gonna be brash and admit to me your deepest, darkest fantasies, I should be allowed to ask this. If you wouldn’t mind being sexual with Gene… what if we had a threesome?”

“A threesome?” Ray’s brows shoot up high on his forehead. His head swirls again.

“Yeah!” She smiles. She actually smiles. “I’ve already been with you both. And… I know I’m with you now, but I still enjoyed my time with Gene. And if you were curious about it already, maybe we could try it, doing something all together. I wouldn’t mind.”

“You really wouldn’t mind,” he says as a statement, not a question.

“Yeah. Maybe it could be fun?”

This is the absolute last thing Ray would’ve expected her to say. But he shouldn’t be so surprised, given her reasoning. He’d much rather her ask this than her continue to pester him about possibly cheating on her.

He tries to imagine the scenario, having sex with both Gene and Carol at the same time…

His stomach churns.

Nausea threatens to climb up his throat.

I can’t.

A fiery jealousy burns when he thinks of Gene and Carol doing anything sexual with each other. What he wants to imagine is a scene like what happened last night, where he was Gene’s and solely Gene’s. Even Gene himself has his own jealous tendencies—Ray knows he’d decline the idea if he dared bring it up. Words they’d spoken last night ring around in his head⁠—

‘Only you.’

He doesn’t want to share Gene with anyone, if he can help it.

“I dunno, Carrie…” He sets his hands in his lap atop the blanket, twiddling his thumbs. “While I have these fantasies… I don’t know if I’d actually want to act them out. Besides, it’d feel weird sharing you with anyone else.” Yeah, if I say it like that, it won’t seem odd. “I don’t think Gene would want to, anyway. He’s with Toshiko now, y’know? And he doesn’t seem like the type to be unfaithful…”

“I thought you’d said before that Gene is terrible with relationships.”

“Well, by that, I meant…” His heartbeat hammers away. “Back then when I said that, he’d never had a girlfriend before. But now that he does have one, I don’t think he’d want to do anything with anyone else.”

Carol shrugs. “Well, alright. It was just an idea I had, since you brought it up. But thank you for finally being honest with me about what’s going on in your head. I appreciate it.”

Ray lets out a sigh, his shoulders slumping. “Yeah, of course. It feels good to let it out.”

Though… how would Gene feel if he knew that I told Carol this?

He doesn’t have a chance to think on that further when Carol says something that shocks him silly⁠—

“If you can be honest about how you’ve fantasized about a guy… I guess I can be honest, too. I’ve fantasized about being with women before.”

Ray’s jaw hangs open.

“Y-you have?”

“Yeah.” She nods. “But… I guess, just like you, I don’t know if I’d ever want to act on it. I’m with you now anyway, so unless we had a threesome with another woman… I don’t know. And if you wouldn’t want one with Gene, you probably wouldn’t want one with another woman.”