Page 50 of Tumbling Hearts

Gene seems to be drinking plenty, though. He’s on the other side of the pool, still dressed in his clothes from the show, sitting beside Santiago and Nicky. They’re passing a joint around, taking a hit before they hand it off to the next person in their circle, bottles of liquor resting beside their chairs. A fire burns in Ray’s chest. As he watches them, he can’t help but frown. It’s nonsense feeling this—there’s nothing wrong with members of the band hanging out with each other. But Ray has noticed that these past few days, Gene has been spending more time with Nicky than before.

I wish Gene would come over here and sit with me, instead.

“It’s getting a bit cold out,” Carol says, jolting Ray out of his thoughts.

“Oh, uh… yeah. Probably would be even colder if we went in the water.” He chuckles. They got ready for a swim, but haven’t even bothered leaving their chairs.

“For sure. I don’t know what I was thinking… I urged us to get ready and then dozed off just sitting here,” she giggles.

“I suppose I dazed off a bit, too. Have you…” He hesitates to finish his sentence. But… he already started, so he might as well ask. “Have you been taking Quaaludes again?”

“Yeah.” She nods with a shrug. “It’s no big deal. I hope you’re not gonna get on me about that again.”

“N-no, it’s fine. As long as you’re not gonna… overdose or anything bad like that.”

“Pssh, I’m alright.” She flicks her hand toward him. “Let’s go back to the room, shall we? Before it gets too late, and you feel too tired.”

“Yeah, for sure.” He knows exactly what she means by that. He’s been dreading it, but still⁠—

What the hell is wrong with me?

He needs to stop obsessing over Gene, and actually pay attention to his fucking girlfriend.

He doesn’t need to worry about her with the Quaaludes; she knows how to take care of herself. She doesn’t need him doting on her constantly. She doesn’t like him asking about it anyway. But he still cares about her. Which means he shouldn’t always be so aloof toward her needs.

He gets up from his seat, taking her hand in his. He glances across the pool one more time.

Of course, he makes eye contact with Gene.

Ray gulps, then turns around, leading Carol toward the hotel.

Two days later, the Dusty Brooms are in New York state, performing at the Buffalo Memorial Auditorium. It’s a wonderful show, just like always, Gene feeling the groove as he strums his guitar. His favorite moments are the ones when he gets to sing next to Ray. His singer looks so gorgeous tonight, a long scarf hanging around his shoulders, tossing his shirt off after the first song. Gene doesn’t think he’s ever seen Ray shirtless on stage before, but it’s a very much welcome change. Ray’s muscles are toned from all the dancing, moving gracefully, sweat dripping down his skin… Gene’s mouth waters. He runs up to the microphone on cue, standing next to Ray, and they sing the lyrics in harmony:

“She flies me up like a plane, higher and higher.

There ain’t no way I can deny her.

‘Fly high, baby, fly away with me.’

She’ll be the star of all my dreams.”

Their lips almost touch, being so close. It’s always such a thrill—will they actually kiss on stage one of these days? It might be too much of a risk at this point, but at the same time, would the audience care? How would they interpret it? Would they see it as simply risque rock-’n’-roll like Iggy Pop, or something more between singer and guitarist?

Gene isn’t sure, and once the song is over and they have a minute to break, he grabs his secret bottle of Jack Daniels from behind the amp and takes a swig of it.

Later, once the show is over, the Brooms retire to their hotel. They’ll be on the road again in the morning to make it to their next one—their first show in Boston. Some of the band heads to their rooms, while others hang out at the cocktail lounge, like Gene himself. He spots Ray by the bar, his shirt back on, with Carol hanging onto his arm, unfortunately.

Honestly, Gene hasn’t spent nearly as much time with Ray as he would’ve liked to. Sure, they perform on stage, and they’re still around each other when hanging out with the band and their entourage. But the only time they’ve had to themselves was that one moment Ray dragged him into the dressing room.

Maybe Gene could be more assertive, putting himself out there and asking if Ray could share some time. That’s essentially how he’s done it in the past. He could always be sneaky and think of some excuse, like how Ray had asked to ‘find this wallet’. But Carol—fucking Carol is always with Ray. An uncomfortable fire burns within Gene; he knows it’s jealousy. But seeing her touch Ray when he can’t, kissing him when he can’t, pulling him away because she’s allowed to, because she’s his girlfriend… Gene can barely take it some days.

But he doesn’t want to seem like he’s avoiding Ray. No, what he wants most of all is simply to be together with him. Though he can’t be pulling Ray away from his girlfriend all the time. That would be suspicious. So he walks up to them and figures he’ll just do what he can: talk.

“Hey, Ray! How’s it going,” Gene says.

Ray turns around with a smile on his face. “Gene! Oh, we’re not doing much. Just having a couple shots.”

“You sure it’s only a couple?” Gene chuckles.