Page 26 of Tumbling Hearts

He opens up the magazine, flipping through the pages until he reaches the featured article. There are plenty of pictures of other musicians and their romantic partners—George Harrison with Olivia Arias, Marc Bolan with Gloria Jones, and Rod Stewart with Britt Ekland—along with Ray and Carol. He skims through the words to see what they’ve written about himself. There—he finds a paragraph, and he reads it aloud.

“‘The newest hot couple on our list is another one with a Roderick, but not the Stewart you all know and love.’ Oh, because they also featured Rod Stewart. Okay, anyway. ‘Raymond Roderick of the Dusty Brooms was seen recently having a fun time at Cedar Point with his model girlfriend, Carol Knight. Even rockstars want to enjoy themselves at amusement parks every now and then, and Ray is no exception. Wonder if he was singing the Beach Boys’ Amusement Parks USA to himself?’”

“Well, now that you mention it, it’s playing in my head,” Santiago comments, and Ray laughs at that.

“Okay, that is a catchy tune. But yeah… ‘Ray and Carol allegedly haven’t even been dating for a whole year, but they’re already a rock solid couple. They both look so stunning, with Ray’s cool sense of summer fashion and Carol’s slender figure that looks good in just about anything. These two turn heads wherever they go by their beauty alone. Even if they weren’t already famous, you can bet that they’d still catch your eye.’”

“Hey, at least they’re talking positively instead of making fun of you,” Santi says.

“Yeah, I guess so.” Ray shrugs. He continues, “‘When cruising around the park grounds, Carol clung to her man and made it known that they’re meant for each other. Talk about a good pair! We hope to see them more often, dazzling their fans with their gorgeous looks.’”

“To be fair, that is a really good picture of you.” Santi points to the magazine.

“Thanks,” Ray chuckles. “Though, all they talked about is how good looking we are. I mean, I know I’m handsome, but this isn’t some big insight into me and Carol’s relationship.”

“Maybe it’s better that way? You don’t want the media to be too invasive, y’know. Keep ’em at arm’s length.”

“You’re right, yeah.” Especially so, when the last thing he’d want is for the things he’s done with Gene to be publicized. Granted, no one knows anything about it except for themselves, but it’s still a worry that plagues him. At least with them talking about him and Carol, it’s furthering the illusion that Ray is completely straight.

But looking at these words on the page—it gives him an uncomfortable feeling in his gut. ‘A rock solid couple’, ‘these two turn heads’, and the insinuation that they’re ‘meant for each other’. As much as he likes Carol, the picture these words are painting don’t seem to match Ray’s reality. She’s a nice girl, she’s smart, beautiful, and Ray enjoys her company—but does that really mean that they’re ‘meant for each other’?

If anything, it all just makes him think of Gene again. He’s reminded of the Fourth of July, when they were sitting in their lawn chairs, staring at the water, one with the music as Gene strummed his guitar. Even when they were simply talking to each other, holding hands, Ray felt so absolutely, utterly elated. His joy knew no limits. That special warmth in his heart—has he ever felt that for Carol?

He keeps wondering if maybe it’ll come with time. But as the months have gone by, he basically feels the same for her as he did when they’d first gotten together. This magazine, however, is trying to show that things are going swimmingly and they’re practically soulmates. Sure, they look good together, but what lies underneath the surface?

Maybe just having that beauty on the surface is all he needs at the moment. Every time he thinks deeper about it, it gives him a headache.

He closes the magazine, flipping it to show the back cover, resting on his lap. “This is cute, I guess,” he tells Santiago, shrugging. “Glad they see me and Carol as a good couple.”

“Do you say it that way because, deep down, you’re not a good couple?” Santi asks.

“What?!” Ray gasps. “N-no, I wasn’t suggesting it like that! How did you get that from what I said?”

“The way your eyes look, man. You’ve been looking all melancholy-like lately.” Santi waves his hand in the air between them. “It all started when you got back from that trip with Gene for Fourth of July. I don’t know if it has to do with Toshiko or Carol or what. But still, don’t think I haven’t noticed things.”

Ray gulps, put on the spot. “Well, what have you noticed?”

“I just said about how you’ve been melancholy!” Santi chuckles, shaking his head. “Now, I’m not one to want to get into relationship drama. No way. I hate being in the middle of things that are none of my business. But I’m not sure if what’s going on with you guys can really be considered that. Granted, regardless of what’s happening, I do appreciate that you and Gene haven’t been full-on avoiding each other like you were during that first tour. So… honestly, Ray, what’s been going on?”

Despite Santiago’s wishes, there’s no way in hell that Ray can be completely honest with him. If Santi knew Ray’s feelings for Gene, how would he react? Ray knows Santi wouldn’t care if anyone were gay or straight, but would Santi despise the fact Ray cheated on his girlfriend yet again? With not just anyone, but with Gene? It’s nowhere near the same situation as when Ray cheated on Harriet. A rockstar cheating on his girlfriend with groupies is nothing to make news about. But now, instead, Ray cheated on Carol with a member of the band—most damningly, a member who is a man—and if that information got out, it could be the end of the Dusty Brooms as they know it.

He doesn’t want to take the risk of telling Santi yet. But perhaps, by omitting most of it, he can say some of what’s been on his mind.

“I’ve been feeling… jealous,” Ray admits, focusing on fumbling with the magazine in his lap. “Jealous that Gene’s been spending a lot of time with Toshiko and Nicky, lately, and not so much with me.” He feels the need to throw Nicky’s name in there too, to hopefully not tip Santi off that there’s any romantic feelings involved.

“I figured it was something like that.” Santi nods.

“Really?” He looks up, eyes widening.

“Of course! It’s funny, there’s like this… link between you and Gene. I’ve witnessed it, y’know, just by being friends with you both. And if something is putting pressure on that link, like another person taking up your attention, you guys start acting really weird.”

Ray frowns. “Well, he is my best friend and songwriting partner, so I’d hope we have some sort of link.”

“There’s something else though, man! I can’t even describe it.” Santiago gives him a big, toothy grin. “You guys are silly.”

Ray feels his cheeks grow hot. “W-well, silly or not, I’ve still been feeling jealous.”

“You know the solution to that, though?”