Page 72 of Zero Confusion

“To summarize, this guy you’re obsessed with probably feels the same way, and your brilliant strategy is to…disappear from his life?” His words had a bite to them, his tone acerbic and almost accusatory.

Zach’s stomach dipped. “It’s not like that.”

Except it absolutely was.

He avoided Joel’s gaze and concentrated on ripping the damp cardboard coaster apart with his nails. “I told you how my mom reacted,” he finally said. “It fucking hurt. I didn’t want Miles to go through that.”

“I get it,” Joel murmured. The uncharacteristic sympathy softened the sharpness around his eyes. “But don’t you think he deserved to make his own choice?”

Zach shook his head, jaw clenching. “No. I know him. He’d make the wrong choice and ruin his life.”

“Maybe it’s not wrong for him.”

The quiet words had the same effect as a bomb. For a moment, the bar noise faded, and Zach’s vision blurred around the edges. His heart pounded, a frantic rhythm rattling inside his chest. He couldn’t let himself consider Joel’s implication. Not after the decision had already been made.

All he could do was live with the consequences.

When it felt like he couldn’t take the silence anymore, Zach cleared his throat and nudged the subject to something lighter. Thankfully, Joel played along, and they spent the next hour gossiping about their classmates, careful to avoid any topic that might steer them back to the earlier heaviness.

By the time the bar started filling up for happy hour, they were ready to head out. Joel gave him a long hug goodbye. They’d be seeing each other in class in less than two days, but Zach appreciated the gesture. More than that, he needed it.

Afterward, he walked home pleasantly buzzed, gliding along the sidewalk. For the first time in a week, he let himself be cautiously optimistic. The hurt was still there, would always be there to some extent, but slivers of hope pressed through the cracks. He could put himself back together. He could function. He could have small joys, even if the big one was beyond him.

And maybe, one day, he could be okay.

He almost believed himself.

Until his phone vibrated, flashing Mom across the screen.

Chapter 26

ZACH

Zach was awake at midnight, which wasn’t weird for a Saturday. The weird part was that he’d spent the evening watching documentaries about consumerism instead of drinking and dancing, but he chalked it up to being a diligent student.

And he’d been a most diligent student. If burying himself in research to forget Miles had earned him a 95 on the last paper, then the amount of studying he’d done to avoid thinking about his mom’s phone calls should have launched his GPA into the stratosphere.

The first time she called, he’d panicked and jammed the power button until the screen went black. When he cautiously turned his phone back on a few hours later, there weren’t any new voicemails or texts.

Maybe she’d dialed him by accident.

He let himself believe that until the next day, when she called again. This time, Zach watched the photo of the two of them—arms around each other, smiles pressed together—blink on the screen until the ringing stopped.

She called a few more times over the next few weeks, never leaving a message, and Zach had no idea what to think. No one else in his family had attempted to reach out besides her. What awaited him on the other side of the line if he ever picked up? Yelling about his lifestyle? Pleading for him to change? Telling him to come pack his shit before they tossed it in the garbage? He was too terrified to find out, eventually blocking her number. He was spooked enough to decline and block every single call with a Montana area code, though most of them had to be telemarketers.

Without these calls, Zach wasn’t sure what was stronger—the relief or the disappointment.

It didn’t matter. For better or worse, it was done, and Zach had to find his way forward.

He’d spaced out to the soothing drone of a Harvard professor’s lecture on consumer rights and protections when his ringtone went off. It had to be close to one in the morning, so it was probably Joel drunk-dialing him to demand that he come out and play.

As if that ever worked.

For some reason, Joel was convinced all Zach needed to get over Miles was to go out and get laid. Zach didn’t exactly disagree, but he couldn’t bring himself to go through the motions. Instead, he postponed it to some nebulous point in the future, around the same time when he would vacuum under the bed and write thank-you notes to everyone who attended his high school graduation.

Zach ambled to the nightstand, where he’d left his phone to charge, and froze.

It wasn’t Joel.