Page 67 of Zero Confusion

Miles opened his mouth, then closed it. “No,” he finally said. “We didn’t have a fight.” Walking over to his jeans, he fished out the wrinkled note and handed it to Max. After reading it, Max gently folded it back up and set it on the nightstand.

“Well, shit.”

“Yeah,” Miles agreed. “I’ve been texting and calling him, but he’s not responding to anything. I’m worried he never will.”

Max shrugged. “That’s his choice. He’s allowed to make it.”

His nonchalance wounded Miles. Shouldn’t his brother have been more understanding? Walking around the bed, he snatched the note off the stand and shoved it into his suitcase, next to the horseshoe. The cool metal burned him with the force of memories.

“Whatever,” Miles mumbled. “It would have been nice if he’d talked to me about it first.”

“To what end?” Max asked. “It’s not like you had any kind of future. Judging by what he says in the note, he never planned on coming back to the farm and staying in the closet for you.”

“The fuck? Why would you assume that I would ever ask him to? I love him,” Miles hissed, boiling with sudden rage. “I had a whole plan—I’d come out to our parents at the end of the summer, finish up college, and move to Portland to be with Zach. I would never, never ask him to lie about who he is.”

Max flinched as if Miles had slapped him. “Are you insane? Were you expecting to sit down with Mom and Dad and have a nice little conversation about how you’re gay and then go about your life?”

“Yeah.” Miles raised his voice. “That’s exactly what I planned on doing.”

Max shook his head. “No. Nuh-uh. They’d never accept it.”

“Guess what?” Stalking toward the bed, Miles lowered his voice. “I don’t give a shit. I need Zach more than I need them.” He paused, wondering why his brother was being so argumentative. He’d expected Max to relate, to understand, to have words of wisdom. Not this…blind complacency. “Aren’t you and Ray ever going to—”

“No!” Max almost shouted and hopped up, wincing when he landed on his bad leg. “Look, I’m sorry about Zach. Good night.” He rushed out of the room, leaving Miles confused about what the fuck his brother’s priorities were.

* * *

A week passed, and nothing had changed. After another exhausting day, Miles was ready to be done with dinner so he could be alone. All he wanted was to take a long, cold shower, then spend another night tossing and turning, thoughts of Zach keeping him awake. He ate slowly, appetite gone, half-heartedly listening to the twins take turns quizzing Mara about high school.

“I talked to Evelyn today,” his mom said quietly to his dad. Miles perked up at the mention of Zach’s mom but didn’t let it show.

“Everything alright over at their place?” Anthony asked.

“Yes, the harvest is coming along.” Her gaze flitted to Miles for a moment, stirring an uncomfortable tightness in his throat. To pretend he wasn’t listening, he shoved a spoonful of mashed potatoes into his mouth and almost choked at her next words. “She told me why Zach took off so quick during the barbecue.”

“I thought he had classes. Isn’t that why he left?” Mara asked, seamlessly inserting the rest of the table into the discussion. Miles wanted to hug her for forcing it into the open. He couldn’t have done it—not with his feelings stretched to their breaking point like an overtightened guitar string about to snap—but he was desperate for any crumb of information.

“That’s what I figured, but Evelyn shared something…else.” His mom hesitated, giving Miles a concerned smile. “Sweetie, I don’t want you getting upset.”

He shrugged. “Why would I?”

“It’s only that…Zach told her he was—” She dipped her voice. “—gay.”

“What?” his dad barked, loud enough to rattle the glasses. “That’s plain ridiculous.”

Mara didn’t miss a beat. “Why is it ridiculous? He’s allowed to be gay.”

“Mara, quit talking nonsense!” Anthony snapped at her before facing Miles, eyes narrowed, voice dangerously low. “Son, did you know about this?”

Miles opened his mouth, fifty different responses on the tip of his tongue, when his mom interrupted. “Of course he didn’t!”

Silence settled over the table. Miles glanced at Mara, who winked at him and speared some salad on her fork, completely unflappable. She was the only one in their family with the nerves of steel to mouth off to their dad and keep eating. She’d make a great lawyer one day. Or a lion tamer. Really, she’d excel at any job where she had to keep cool under pressure.

His gaze moved to Max, whose panicked eyes were wide with fear. Miles didn’t blame him for keeping quiet. Not one bit. He’d had some time to think since their conversation, and he realized that their circumstances were far too different to compare. Max was the eldest son, the heir. This farm was his livelihood. He couldn’t just announce his relationship with Ray and escape to another state. He had a lot more to lose.

Besides, Miles didn’t need his brother to help him fight his battles.

He could do it on his own.