Page 52 of Zero Confusion

That was news to Zach.

“No, she didn’t mention it.”

“You boys’ll have fun setting up,” Laura said with a playful grin. “I’d better get moving. Go on and grab yourself some breakfast.”

He gave her an awkward thumbs-up and headed straight for the kitchen. This wasn’t his first rodeo. Decades of living next door made the Carters and the Bishops close friends, always quick to send their kids over whenever help was needed. And if there was one thing Zach had learned from the many, many times he’d been volunteered, it was that Laura Carter didn’t skimp on breakfast.

After three servings of French toast, Zach was ready for another backbreaking day.

Miles’s dad was already outside giving orders to their small crew of farmhands, and Zach waited until he was done before coming up for his assignment.

“Morning, Mr. Carter. I’m helping out today?”

“Yes.” Anthony sized him up for a moment, making him self-conscious. “Can you take care of the animals?”

It didn’t escape Zach’s notice that it was phrased as a question rather than a command—a rarity for the tall, stern man who usually acted like a dictator. Volunteering must have earned him special treatment. The job itself was also a relief—Zach loved working with animals, and it definitely beat a dull day of sitting inside a combine.

“I’m on it.” He resisted the urge to salute and headed toward the barn.

When Zach was little, every farm in the area focused exclusively on wheat, but a few lean years forced everyone to find ways to diversify. The Bishops chose to switch some fields over to vegetables, while Miles’s parents decided to try their hand at husbandry.

It wasn’t always successful. Zach still remembered their failed attempt at keeping rabbits. Miles and Mara were the right age to get attached to the cute, furry creatures, naming each one and constantly sneaking into the enclosure for cuddles. Their absolute devastation after the first butchering threw the entire household into chaos. Miles’s eyes were red-rimmed for a week, and Mara threw a tantrum of such epic proportions that their parents had no choice but to give up on the whole idea. They sold most of the rabbits, though a couple stayed behind to live out their lives as full members of the Carter household.

These days, their farm was home to a dozen milk goats and a coop full of egg-laying hens.

The goats were his first stop. He hauled fresh water and refreshed the barn before leading them out to the pasture, where he stumbled upon Raymond, crouched by the fence with a hammer in his hand. Given what Miles had shared about Max and Raymond’s secret relationship, and—more importantly—what Miles had shared with them about hooking up with Zach, striking up a conversation seemed a bad idea. What would be the point? Exchanging notes on the best secret hookup spots and commiserating about small-town gay witch hunts? That didn’t sound like his idea of a good time.

He tried to herd the goats in the opposite direction, but it was too late. Raymond had already seen him, squinting in Zach’s direction against the sun. Leaving now would be worse, so Zach sighed and walked over.

“Good morning, Raymond.” He didn’t care if everyone else called him Ray—there was no way they were on a nickname basis. In fact, Zach was one of Raymond’s famous scowls away from calling him Mr. Miller.

“Zach.” Raymond acknowledged him without a flicker of emotion.

They stared at each other in silence. This would have been a great opportunity to make an excuse and get out, but Zach was paralyzed by Raymond’s piercing gaze. He shifted from foot to foot and gestured at the fence with feigned interest. “Fixing the fence?”

“Yep.”

Ray certainly wasn’t making it any less awkward with his one-word replies.

“It’s good to see you, but I gotta—”

“Did Miles tell you?”

Zach barely kept the shock from showing on his face. He considered lying to escape the conversation but ended up settling on the truth and taking a cue from Raymond’s own conciseness. “Yep.”

Raymond narrowed his eyes, and Zach squirmed in discomfort. “Yes, he did. I won’t say anything, I promise.”

“I’m not worried about that.”

“Right. Because Miles told you about…the thing that happened.”

Raymond set down the hammer and unfolded to full height, then rolled his shoulders. When he spoke again, his voice was lower, more subdued. “I was out before I came to work here. Never made a secret of who I was. Not until I met Max.” He paused and scratched the stubble covering his chin. “I understand why he’s scared. People around here don’t have much patience for anything that’s different, and his folks ain’t exactly progressive. I get it, and I’ll stay with him in the closet for however long he wants because I love him. But trust me, it’s no life.”

His raw vulnerability threw Zach off-kilter. He hadn’t expected Raymond to reveal so much, to speak so frankly. Words dried up in his mouth, and he could only nod in response.

Raymond shook his head in frustration. “I couldn’t see him at the hospital. Miles had to lie to get me into the room, did he tell you that? And Laura keeps setting him up on dates, hoping he’ll get married to some nice girl and start having babies. We have to sneak around like criminals just to spend time together. I’ll never be able to walk up to the man I love and hold his hand or give him a hug. This is the life I chose, but you… Don’t do this to yourself, Zach.”

His breath hitched on the last sentence, and a wave of nausea passed through Zach. Raymond and Max had clearly suffered, stuck in a nightmare they couldn’t escape with no end in sight. They would forever skulk in the shadows, dodge Laura Carter’s attempts to marry Max off, and pretend they didn’t mean anything to each other in public. They would live off scraps of affection, counting the hours until the next time they could sneak away and share a few minutes together.