Page 47 of Zero Confusion

“Yeah.”

“I snuck him into Max’s room after you guys left.”

The confusion on Zach’s face must have been obvious, because Miles shook his head. “You don’t get it. He was sitting in that waiting room on his own, looking so sad. Like, really sad. And I thought, if you were the one in the hospital, and I wasn’t allowed to see you...” A shadow passed over him.

Zach offered his hand in silent support, and Miles laced their fingers together. “I couldn’t sit and do nothing. Anyway, long story short, I found out Max and Ray are dating.”

He paused, a grin on his face. Zach waited for the punchline, tamping down the flare of hope in his chest, the sudden need to feel like he wasn’t the only one holding on to a soul-crushing secret. But no, Miles couldn’t mean it. It was impossible.

“Dating?” he finally asked when Miles didn’t offer an explanation.

Miles pursed his lips in thought. “I guess it’s not really dating.”

Of course not. Zach ignored the disappointment flooding his mouth with a bitter taste.

“Yeah,” Miles continued. “Definitely not dating. It’s been three years, so it’s way more serious than that, but what’s the word for that? Relationshipping? Long-term partnering?”

Speechless, Zach could only gape as Miles kept trying to come up with a better word, oblivious to Zach’s incredulous expression.

“What are you talking about?” Zach choked out when Miles showed no sign of stopping. “They’re together? Like, together together?”

“Yeah! Cool, right? I had no idea, but it makes sense. Max needs someone like Ray to balance out his energy.”

Miles bounced with excitement, clearly expecting Zach to join in, but he couldn’t. Not yet. He was still stuck on the revelation that this could happen in their small town. Practically in Zach’s backyard. Two men he knew.

He wasn’t alone.

“Are you sure? Did they tell you?” he asked breathlessly.

“Nah, it was an accident.” Miles shrugged, something heavy reflecting in the soft blue of his eyes. “Ray was upset when I found out, like he thought I’d immediately go out and tell everyone. He kept acting like I’m this huge homophobe.” He sighed and flashed Zach a guilty smile. “I may have gotten a little angry and told him about us. I shouldn’t have, I know, but I think knowing our secret calmed him.”

A sinking feeling pulled at Zach’s stomach. Secret. That’s what it was. For him, for Max, for Ray.

Did it matter that he wasn’t alone if they were all in the same boat—hiding, lying about who they were, living in the shadows?

Did it matter that Miles referred to them as us with no shame or regret if their relationship could never go anywhere?

Then again, even if it was nothing but a bit of clandestine fun, Zach would take it, would accept anything that Miles gave him, would beg for any scraps.

He would welcome it.

Miles must have misinterpreted his silence. “Zee, I’m really sorry. I shouldn’t have said anything, but you don’t have to worry about them. They won’t tell anyone.”

“It’s fine,” Zach interrupted. “I trust them.”

Miles nodded and slipped his arm around Zach’s waist. “Should we talk about last night? We never got a chance, and I want to know how you feel.”

It was as good a time as any. He’d been pushing down his conflicting feelings all day, and the endless questions were starting to boil near the surface. “Okay, but I’m going first.” He shook away the gloomy thoughts about living a lie and repositioned himself so he could face Miles as they talked. “What was that yesterday? One day, you’re a blushing virgin, and then all of a sudden, you’re a Dom? And why me? Are you bi-curious? How long have you known? Did you even like it?”

The questions tumbled out before he could think them through. Every bit of confusion and anxiety from the past twenty-four hours was laid bare, and Zach buried his face in his hands in embarrassment.

Almost immediately, Miles pulled him in and wrapped Zach in his bulky frame, his broad chest warming Zach’s back, his scent suddenly everywhere.

It was funny, he’d always thought Miles smelled like the ocean, despite having never seen any body of water larger than a pond until he left for college. Why a farm boy would smell like the ocean, Zach wasn’t sure, and yet, since they were teenagers, whenever Zach caught a whiff of that clean, breezy scent, it made him think of open water, freedom, and adventure.

In reality, Miles’s dollar-store deodorant probably had a perfectly bland name, like Clean Linen or Cool Mountain.

He relaxed in Miles’s firm grip. “Sorry. Didn’t mean to go off like that. You don’t have to answer.”