Page 19 of Zero Confusion

Still, it was nice to have a dream. A silly, impractical dream that he hadn’t told anyone about, not even Zach.

Sophomore year, a sustainability consultant gave a guest lecture in his Environmental Science class, and all his classmates acted like doing research and writing up proposals was the most boring thing in the world. But Miles had been fascinated. It became the stuff of fantasy. The way other people talked about becoming famous writers, directors, CEOs—knowing full well that it wasn’t gonna happen—so did Miles stare off into space, imagining a future where he worked with farms across the state, across the country, to create sustainable practices and educate others.

He’d looked into it briefly, but didn’t let himself get attached to a future that could never be. The most he could hope for was to put his knowledge to use at the family farm, and even that wasn’t likely. His father was set in his ways, and Miles’s suggestions wouldn’t be taken seriously.

Looking at internships would be a waste of time. He was better off coming to terms with his path in life.

He prodded the power button and waited for the screen to flicker to life before typing in Zach’s password, the same one he’d had since second grade. Shockingly, it worked.

Miles would have to talk to him about the importance of cybersecurity.

The desktop loaded, and Miles’s heart skipped at the background picture. A picture of the two of them.

Miles remembered that day. They’d recruited Mara, who was around nine and impressionable enough to go along with their schemes, to play photographer while they climbed around heavy machinery and struck ridiculous poses. Like all teenagers, they’d assumed their ideas were brilliant and everyone would see how cool they were, but in retrospect, the whole plan made no sense. Everyone they knew lived on a farm. Pretending to drive a tractor was hardly impressive.

But it had been such a fun day that the end result almost didn’t matter. They’d spent hours outside and then gone through the hundreds of shots before posting the best ones online.

The picture staring him in the face definitely wasn’t one they would have picked to post. They were too happy, too adorable. The exact opposite of the aloof and badass vibe they’d been going for. Thirteen-year-old Miles rested his head on Zach’s shoulder, staring up at his best friend with naked devotion, his fingers latched onto Zach’s bicep, as if afraid to let go. The afternoon light washed the blur of wheat fields and distant trees in golden hues, making everything shine, and, when he looked closely, he could see himself radiating as well. With love or obsession. Possibly both.

It struck him as odd that Zach kept this specific picture. Not one of the goofy ones they’d taken that day, or any other day, but this specific one, where Miles’s emotions were burning through the pixels like wildfire.

He’d have to ask him about it later.

The browser had several open tabs, and Miles was halfway through typing in his college URL when the words on the screen drew his attention. He skimmed the text, his face quickly heating when he realized it was some kind of kink-related chatroom. Nothing R-rated, but wild enough to make his heart race with embarrassment and excitement.

Why would Zach have this page open? Nothing about it seemed related to business, but Zach’s case studies had demonstrated that marketing was ever-present in all aspects of life, and Miles had heard the sex sells mantra plenty of times. So it could have been research. And if it wasn’t… Zach was allowed to have his secrets. He deserved privacy.

As Miles’s finger hovered over the touchpad, a thought hit him out of nowhere. What if Zach didn’t just read the chatroom?

What if he posted?

He couldn’t stop himself from scanning the page as waves of shame washed over him. Even without the trademark Z that Zach incorporated into every username he’d ever had, Miles would have recognized the sarcastic bite of his words.

He knew Zach too well.

Twinges of guilt forced him to log off and put the laptop back, but the damage was done. He’d never be able to concentrate on anything ever again, his thoughts spiraling with the newfound knowledge.

Restraints.

Zach, his Zach, his sweet little Zach, liked to be restrained during sex. And more interestingly, if his username was anything to go by, he considered himself a sub.

Miles wasn’t an expert on BDSM, but he’d picked up enough from pop culture for his imagination to create vivid mental images that burned themselves into his brain—Zach naked, tied up on the bed, his lithe body writhing with pleasure, moans pouring between his lush lips, his thin wrists struggling against thick rope. In the background was Miles—watching, waiting, prepared to take control.

He wasn’t sure why he was part of the scenario, except he couldn’t bear to think of Zach with anyone else.

His smartwatch vibrated, a cheerful Keep it up! lighting the tiny screen in response to his pulse going haywire. He willed himself to calm down, forcing a series of deep breaths, when it buzzed again. A text from Zach.

Snatching his phone off the bed, he discovered a few missed messages. The first two had been sent a while ago, but the latest had just come in, another one popping up as Miles read them.

ZACH: Sorry, forgot to tell you how to get on my laptop. The guest account password is 1234.

ZACH: Admit it, you’d have never cracked that on your own.

ZACH: I just want to say, I’m not mad, but Tyler’s being such a jerk right now. He thinks I broke your heart and literally won’t shut up about it.

ZACH: Joel thinks it’s hilarious, sitting back and popping Skittles like the little chaos gremlin that he is.

A leaden weight settled in Miles’s stomach. Guilt. He’d screwed up. His impulsive words could ruin Zach’s reputation, his friendships, and definitely his day.