Page 64 of Over the Line

I had no idea if there was an accusation in that question or if I was just imagining it. “I didn’t think very far ahead at that point. Mom and I—we were both focused on just getting through and raising you kids, whatever came after that didn’t really factor in. Or, well, that was how it was for me. You’d have to ask her. And then I did stupid shit, and, well, here we are.”

Chris chewed his lip, shifting on the couch as he gazed at the coffee table.

I tilted my head. “Does it bother you? It sounds like something about it is bothering you.”

He fidgeted in his chair, wringing his hands much like I had a moment ago. “I guess… I mean, I knew I was bi when I was fourteen. If I’d known my dad was also bi…”

I flinched. “I’m sorry. I never even thought about that. I… I’m sorry, Chris.”

“I know,” he whispered. “And it wasn’t like I ever thought you or Mom were homophobic. But I saw how a lot of straight guys reacted to their sons being gay or bi or whatever, and…” He shook his head slowly. “I don’t know.”

“I get that. I think being afraid of how Grandpa would react was part of the reason I didn’t let myself focus on it too much. If I didn’t accept it and put that label on, then there was no reason to come out to him.”

Chris’s eyes went wider. You don’t think Grandpa would’ve accepted you?”

“I didn’t know. I was afraid to find out.” I paused, then admitted, “I still am, to be honest.” I pushed out a long breath. “I’m sorry I put you in that same position.”

To my surprise, he said, “No, I think I get it. You never gave me any reason to think you’d have a problem with it. Grandpa…” Chris grimaced. “He really doesn’t know now?”

“No. Maybe I’m a bit of a coward, but I didn’t want to broach that subject with him until it was necessary.”

“So, like, if you have a boyfriend?”

“If you somehow ended up dating my teammate?” my mind filled in using Chris’s voice, because yeah, that was going to happen.

“Yeah,” I said. “It’s an ‘I’ll cross that bridge when I get to it’ situation.” I laughed dryly. “Like I said… a coward.”

“You’re not a coward,” Chris said quietly. “If you hadn’t come out to me, I don’t know if I ever would’ve come out to you.”

That gave me pause. “Really?”

“Well, yeah. I’m marrying a woman and I didn’t know how you’d react to me being bi. So I didn’t really want to rock that boat, you know?” He smiled. “But since you came out to me, I knew it was safe to come out to you.”

“I just wish you’d known before that it was safe. Even before I knew about myself, I always would’ve accepted any of you kids, no matter what.”

“I know,” he whispered. “But… you know what it’s like, I guess. Being afraid your parents will disapprove even if they’ve never given you any reason to think they will.”

Guilt wound itself around my heart, but I nodded. “I do, yeah. In hindsight, I wish I’d been clearer to you kids. Come out when you were younger even when it didn’t seem like it mattered.” I rubbed the back of my neck and sighed. “Somehow it never occurred to me that I needed to do that. I don’t know why.”

“You thought we were all straight.” The soft words weren’t an accusation. Just a statement of fact.

“I did. Which was stupid, since I’m not straight myself, but⁠—”

“Dad.” Chris sat up a little, looking me right in the eye. “I get it. One of my teammates in juniors had two dads, and they still thought both of their kids were straight. He didn’t give them any reason to think he wasn’t, but they also just kind of… didn’t think about it, I guess.”

“I would imagine they at least made sure he knew it was safe if he wanted to come out.”

“Sure.” Chris shrugged. “But it still took him like three years because, yeah, when you’re fifteen, you worry about disappointing your gay dads by coming out as gay.” He waved a hand. “It doesn’t have to make sense.”

He had a point. Teenagers weren’t stupid, but being overwhelmed by hormones at the same time they were figuring out themselves and the world around them—I mean, it kind of made them stupid. I remembered those years.

“I never gave you any reason to think you couldn’t come out to me, did I?” I asked. “Because if I did, I’m sorry.”

My son’s smile was an indescribable redemption. “Nah. I probably overthought things.”

I snorted. “That definitely runs in the family.”

“You don’t say.” He rolled his shoulders and gestured upstairs. “Should I get Jasmine and we can all go find some lunch?”