Page 121 of Over the Line

“Okay, so it’s just… kind of normal?” He closed his eyes and exhaled, having apparently been assured that whatever was going on was kind of normal. “Okay. Okay, good. Get some sleep. I’ll text you in the morning. Love you too.”

He ended the call and closed his eyes.

I studied him. “Hey, I wasn’t trying to eavesdrop, but… are Jasmine and the baby okay?”

“They’re fine.” He sounded both relieved and exhausted, as if he’d just played a whole sixty-minute game instead of having a call with his girlfriend. “She was having some trouble breathing, so her OB said to go to the ER.”

I sat up straighter. “Oh, shit. What was the verdict?”

He laughed quietly. “As she put it, things are getting crowded”—he gestured at his own midsection—“and the baby’s pushing on her diaphragm and lungs. The doctor said he’ll probably drop soon, and then she’ll be able to breathe better.”

“Ah. That.” I relaxed. “Yeah, your mom was pretty uncomfortable around this stage. As soon as the baby drops…” I nodded. “It’ll help.”

“Thank God for that. She’s been miserable.”

“Kinda comes with the territory, unfortunately.”

“No kidding.” He sat down on the couch. “I wish there was more I could do for her.”

“Yeah. I know that feeling. It’s not forever, though. In fact, it’ll go faster than you think.”

I thought he paled a bit. Exhaling hard, he raked a hand through his hair. “And then the baby will be here.”

“Right?” I watched him. “That’s… That’s a good thing, though.”

“It is, but…” He pushed out a harsh breath. “I’m not going to lie—I am terrified of becoming a dad.”

“Ah. That.” I smiled, got up, and joined him on the couch. “You want to know something?”

He turned to me, brow pinched and eyes begging me to reassure him.

“There isn’t a dad out there who wasn’t scared to death when the first baby came along.”

Chris swallowed. “Really?”

“Really.” I patted his arm. “Trust me—it seems like the biggest and scariest thing in the world. And to some degree, that never goes away. You’re always scared of screwing up as a dad or about—” I hesitated, deciding the words “about something happening to your kid” might not be what he needed to hear in that moment. “It’s a huge responsibility. But then the baby shows up, and instead of being one enormous thing, it’s a million little things.”

He tilted his head. “What do you mean?”

“Like if you think about everything you have to do to for the first few months, it’s—shit, it’s enough to make me tired just remembering it. But in the moment, it’s… feed him. Then burp him. Then change him. Then put him down for a nap.” I rolled my hand. “It becomes a lot of small tasks, one after the other. And sure, it’s exhausting, and it’s a lot, but it becomes less terrifying.”

He stared down at his wringing hands as he seemed to chew on that.

“It probably doesn’t help that you didn’t have the best role model,” I admitted. “I don’t have to tell you that I made a lot of mistakes.” I squeezed his forearm. “But I got a lot right, too, and so will you. It’s intimidating and terrifying, but it’s not nearly as easy to screw it up as it seems.”

He laughed softly. “Maybe not. It’s just… scary. I’m thrilled about it, and I can’t wait until he’s born, but then sometimes I’m like, yo, I’m twenty-three. I’m way too young for this.”

“You’re not. I was too young. Your mom was too young. Hell, you were born when I was younger than you are now, and you have two older siblings.”

Chris grimaced. “I can’t imagine having three right now. Just one on the way is already a lot.”

“It is. And you’ll be fine.” I paused, then sat up a little. “Chris, look at me.” When he did, I said, “You’re young, but you’ve got a good head on your shoulders. You’re more mature now at twenty-three than I was at thirty-three. Some of that…” I winced. “Some of it is because your mom and I fucked up, and you and your siblings had to mature faster than you should have. That’s on me. But it’s also because you’re you. You’re smart. You’re empathetic. You were always a good kid and you grew up into a good man. And that was after we made all the mistakes we did.” I smiled. “You’re going to be just fine as a dad.”

He lowered his gaze, and I thought he might be choking up a little. I didn’t speak, just let him compose himself.

When he had, he said, “You weren’t as bad of a dad as you think.”

Shit. Now it was my turn to start getting emotional, though I think I kept that out of my voice. “I wasn’t exactly getting any gold stars, though. The fact that this is the first time I’ve come with you on the dads’ trip…”